Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

Vote, Damn You!

by

Last year, after winning both my categories (Blog With the Most Swears and Blog With the Most Pictures of the Blogger) in the “prestigious” Drysdale Awards thanks to an exhausting and exhaustive campaign, I had a Shermanesque attitude about potential future Drysdales. “I will not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected,” I said nobly to Gigi the dog, briefly distracting her from her job of making annoying mouth noises under the bed. “Let someone else win for a change.”

Well, Drysdale time is here again, and now my attitude is fuck that self-denial shit!

The coveted Drysdale award.

The coveted Drysdale award.

This year, I have been nominated in three categories: Blog With the Most Swearing, Blog That is Clearly Contracted to Endorse a Product or Service, and Blogger of the Year. And I better win them, or I will beat a bitch’s ass. Furthermore, I have the endorsement of gorgeous blogger and self-proclaimed cunt Sister Wolf. She will no doubt introduce you to a world of pain if you let me down.

I approve of Sister Wolf's necklace even though I did not design it.

I approve of Sister Wolf's necklace even though I did not design it.

If the threat of violence isn’t enough to convince you, here are other persuasive arguments:

  1. You should vote for me for the swearing award because even my fingers curse you.
  2. You should vote for me for the product-endorsement award because my “About Me” paragraph begins, “I started this blog to promote my Wendy Brandes jewelry line…”
  3. You should vote for me for blogger of the year because I’m going to pay you lots of money for that. As a matter of fact, the check is in the mail! As soon as you vote, you can go stand by your mailbox and wait for payment.
My fingers curse you!

My fingers curse you!

You can vote until December 14, but it would probably be best to vote early and give me a giant lead so that I don’t have to write more campaign posts like this one.  To paraphrase Arlo Guthrie in Alice’s Restaurant, I can do 25 more posts like this. I’m not proud … or tired.

Arlo Guthrie would want you to vote for me.

Arlo Guthrie would want you to vote for me.

You know what you have to do. Click the handsome face of Drysdale inventor Grant Miller and do it.

I'm Grant Miller. Click me to vote.

I'm Grant Miller. Click me to vote.

VOTE, BITCHES!

You are also encouraged to vote for people who are not me in the other highlarious categories, which include:

  • Dullest Blog
  • Blog With the Most Spam Comments
  • Least Influential Political Blog
  • Blog With the Most Posts About Jon or Kate Gosselin
  • Blogger That Spreads the Most Rumors About Other Bloggers

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  13. Roll up your sleeves, miss B. and meet me outside. Ha!

    Shit wait, you’re supposed to vote now? SOMEONE COULD HAVE TOLD ME. I need to get my minions on it to KICK YOUR BITCH ASS. 🙂 (ha, that’s likely, NOT)

  19. Ohh i really want the swear rings, so cool wendy.
    I need to treat myself soon to something of yours.
    wow that grafitti swimsuit is cool definitely looks similar to the zimmermann one. You should have bought it, you would have rocked it! The zimmermann one is a bit less fussy though, maybe easier to pull off?

  22. Victory is inevitable! You are WAY in the lead in all categories. Well, all the ones you’re nominated in … I didn’t see a write-in option anywhere. I’ll talk to Grant.

  23. Definitely the most *interesting* award ceremony. I love that you can come from some full-length dress event straight to the Drysdales, which seems to me to be the type of event where you’d wear the shortest, most PVC dress you owned.

    Anyway that’s just my imagination at work. I’m voting for you baby.

  24. I want a cunt necklace…but can it say cootchie? I’m delicate, you know! Who is this Queen Marie?! Voted yesterday, chica.

  31. I just finished voting — you’re fucking welcome! If I’d have known there was a category for Blogger That Spreads the Most Rumors About Other Bloggers, I’d have been concocting juicy gossip about you all year!

  33. I second Alicia. I mean, I fucking voted for you but my vote’s a fucking valuable thing, I can’t just fucking give it away, know what I mean? (I know I’m a year late, but I still think Blagoevich jokes are funny).

  39. There once was a designer named Wendy
    Her jewely was really the shit
    Now cast your votes
    All you bitches and ho’s
    Before she beats your mother fucking ass.

    *I had a hard time wrapping this up with enough swears to go with Wendy but I wanted you to know I’m on your side. Don’t knife me!

  40. What do you get for the woman who has it all? NOTHING. How dare you steal votes from the wretched refuse (like me) of the Blogosphere.

  43. I will absolutely vote…! And I might also stalk you with my camera one day, if you’re (un)lucky and if you’re wearing something that is crazy enough!