Picture a white man in a suit who apologized for and learned from his mistakes; evolved his positions and clarified them when criticized; calmly answered aggressive questions; pinky promised with little children to remember important moments; and stood for hours to take pictures with every single person who wanted one — in heat or cold — and was as jubilant at the end of the line as he was at the beginning. People would be in awe of that presidential candidate. He’d be a sure thing. But Elizabeth Warren isn’t a man.
Instead, when it comes to men in the presidential race, we’ve got Biden (two-time presidential candidate failure who, when women complain he’s too touchy, says I do it with everyone — in other words, I’m not sorry, learn to like it); Sanders (whose heart attack got less coverage than Hillary Clinton’s moment of wooziness, who never stops his male supporters’ violent verbal abuse of women, and has a mediocre Senate track record to describe it generously); and Buttigieg (the former mayor of a city with a population that is equivalent to 5% of NYC’s borough of Queens alone, and more ominously, someone who has tried to hide the work he did for McKinsey, which is absolutely one of the worst companies in the world). Oh, and both Biden and Sanders lose their temper quickly in confrontations. Then there’s Bloomberg, who revealed himself to be an egomaniacal dictator-in-the-making during his time as mayor of New York City, where he CHANGED THE LAW so he could have a third term and was racist as fuck. Now he is openly trying to buy an election, and — guess what! — conveniently owns a media company. He doesn’t have to borrow one like Trump.
Stop equating a penis with electability! Vote for a decent human being who has shown intelligence, growth, diplomacy, and grit. Vote for someone who sets a good example for your children. Someone who has been vetted and criticized far more than any of the male candidates but keeps fighting the good fight with a smile on her face, no less. Vote for someone who instead of a bullshit slogan like “Drain the swamp” has a real plan to fight the corruption we’re drowning in.
And if it helps, pretend that Elizabeth Warren has a penis. Personally, I’ve always found them kinda funny-looking — the first time I saw an adult-sized one in real life I was like, “OH HELL NO!!!”* — but if a dick is your No. 1 issue, I won’t kink-shame you.
*As for the first penis I saw, I was the rare teenager who was actually asked for my consent. However, there was a language barrier, so when the young man politely said, “Do you want to see heeeem?” I looked all around to see what “him” he was talking about. Who was with us? Alas, he was talking about an “it.” I hope he long ago got over my stern, “PUT THAT THING AWAY!” response. I still appreciate the fact that he put it away immediately, as requested, and walked me home.