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Merry Titmas!

December 25, 2015 by WendyB

On Christmas Day, I like to recycle a post that I did in 2008. Here it is.

Why write a new Christmas Day post when I wrote the perfect one in 2008? Here is “Happy Holiday, Goyim!” again, with a new, working version of the video and a couple of other updated links:

Every December 25, I get into the holiday spirit by reminiscing about an idiot I knew in my freshman year of college. This self-described born-again Christian once went into a rant about the secularization of Christmas as symbolized by the use of “Xmas.” She thought that evil secular people had X’d the “Christ” out of Christmas. She didn’t know that the Greek letter “X” — the first letter in the Greek spelling of “Christ” — has been used as shorthand for “Christ” for centuries. No one X’d the Christ out of Christmas; X IS Christ, for Jebus’s sake! (If you want more info about the X factor, here’s an Xian’s explanation for fellow Xians.)

Anyway, here some things I wish I could say to my long-ago acquaintance in honor of the holiday.

  1. It’s bad to be stupid.
  2. It’s worse to be stupid about your own religion’s history while trying to convert an easily irritated atheist of Jewish origin.
  3. If your God disapproved of gays, He wouldn’t have allowed that hairstylist to give you the most unflattering hairdo since Medusa’s. That haircutting queen was actually the hand of God punishing you for your homophobia!
  4. Merry Titmas!

Embed from Getty Images

One of the only things more horrible to look upon than my classmate’s 1985 revenge-of-Harvey-Milk hairdo is this Xmas music video by my almost-husband Paul McCartney. I know you will want to stop watching and scrub your eyes with a Brillo pad after Paul serenades himself at 1:54, but I urge you to stick it out to 3:04 to see the giant, exploding present flying through the air.

Remember how Paul’s recent ex-wife, batshit-crazy Heather Mills, was claiming she had tapes that proved Paul abused her and his first wife, Linda? I think she must have been talking about this video.

UPDATED 2015 TO ADD: For some reason, I didn’t realize that the Shins did a cover of “Wonderful Christmastime” a couple of years ago. I just started hearing it everywhere I went this year. I kind of like it. Do I owe my almost-husband an apology?

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Filed Under: Beatles, holidays

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. K-Line says

    December 26, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    Ha! I’m sorry – the Shins can’t fix that song 🙂

    • WendyB says

      December 27, 2015 at 10:51 pm

      You’re right. I think I just took leave of my senses for a moment!

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MEET WENDY BRANDES

Award-winning designer of fine jewelry inspired by women's history and pop culture. A former journalist who writes about jewelry, fashion, medieval history, news, feminism, dogs, cats and whatever else is on her mind. Blogging since 2007.
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