NSFW Lipstick

I’m a lipstick lover, and I’ve been fascinated by color names since childhood, when I used to read the names on my mother’s lipsticks and wonder about the inspiration behind Revlon’s “Fire and Ice” and “Cherries in the Snow.” When lipstick names got edgier in the 1990s, I was so excited that I wrote a story about it for the Wall Street Journal. Even though I’m devoted to red lipstick, I recently got a more neutral color just because it was called F*ck Trump and sold by a small, woman-owned company called Lipslut. I’m pleased to say I now also have Lipslut’s F*ck Hollywood true red and the F*ck Kavanaugh deep red.

I’ve been feeling pretty sassy with the Lipslut hues, but if provocative lipstickery were a competition, NARS would be the new champion. In this case, however, it’s not the name that stands out: NARS calls its warm cinnamon color “Morocco,” which is downright ho-hum for a brand that’s famous for a peachy hue called Orgasm. That’s why I did such a doubletake that I risked whiplash when I saw this Instagram promotion of Morocco.

As comedian Tony Baker would say, “What in the haberdasheries and hemoglobin is going on HHHHHHERE???” I mean … why is this lipstick the star of an unsolicited dick pic? Who in marketing said, “You know what goes great with the name “Morocco”? A penis!” Who was the colleague who said, “Just in case they don’t see a penis right away, make the caption: ‘When the nudes keep you up all night'”? How many other people signed off on all of this? And, most confusingly, am I disgusted by the melted lipstick penis or delighted by how batshit this promotion is? I honestly don’t know! NARS, I need answers and therapy!