Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

You Are All Winners

by

I’m devastated that I received a mere honorable mention in the race for the second annual Drysdale award for Blog With the Most Swearing. I was hoping to be a two-time winner in this category, but gorgeous blogger Gwen from Everything I Like Causes Cancer beat my ass. To Gwen, I say, “Congratulations!” and “Fuck you!”

Hiding my face in shame behind my Wendy Brandes swear rings.

Hiding my face in shame behind my Wendy Brandes swear rings.

I did win two other awards, which I will get to eventually. (If you knew me in my past life as a journalist and are mentally abusing me for burying the lede: Fuck you!) First, I would like to explain that the Drysdale awards are the invention of highlarious blogger Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media. In addition to swearing, the award categories include Least Influential Political Blog, Blog With the Worst Spelling and Grammar and Ugliest Blog. You can see why I campaign so furiously!

For most people, one of the awards I did win — Blog That Is Clearly Paid to Endorse a Product or Service — would be as desirable as, say, Blog With the Most Spam Comments. For you slower readers, that means “not at all desirable.” Catch up! Jebus. But I’m pleased with the award in an entirely sincere way. A while ago, my handsome friend Barney, a retired journalist and a very earnest man, told me he read my blog often and enjoyed it but, he asked, “Didn’t you start it to promote your jewelry line?” I said that was indeed one of my motives. He said, “But you rarely mention [the jewelry].” (That’s an exact quote. He speaks with brackets.) I generally respond to constructive criticism positively, if by “positively” you mean “by beating a bitch’s ass.” But Barney’s comment really stuck with me and I started making more of an effort to get entertaining and educational posts about my jewelry into the blog. Lo and behold, I have discovered that promoting my business is a good thing for business. So, Barney, thank you. And, just so you don’t feel like the odd person out in this post … fuck you!

I’m finally ready to get to the most important thing here, which means this story is about as well-organized as one I recently read in the New York Times. (An aside to my many, many dear friends at the Times: I kid because I love. The Times is still the first newspaper I read every morning. Yes, I read newspapers on paper. More than one every day. But seriously, why would you mention someone’s mental illness in the eighth paragraph of a story and not identify the illness as paranoid schizophrenia for another 100-plus paragraphs? Admittedly, it did keep me reading the story because I HAD TO KNOW.) What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah, I won the one serious-sounding Drysdale category: Blogger of the Year.

The Drysdale Award

WendyB's Drysdale Award

I am really delighted by this and thankful for all the people — bloggers and civilians — who play along with my endless campaigns (or beg-a-thons, as someone once bitchily said) for votes. I’m especially thankful to Grant Miller, who came in second in this category and somehow resisted the urge to rig it in his own favor. Clearly, blogging has brought a lot of great people into my life. You are all winners to me. Fuck yeah!

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Well you deserved that fucking cussing goddamn award. I would like a fucking shit recount. But fuckin’ a, you did come out with those other two. So….well fuck it!

  5. Your award may be the most “serious sounding,” but my category of “McGone Honorary Award For Lifetime Achievement in the Field of Not Blogging” is the most likely to force a crowd to restrain applause until all the nominees are shown, and be accompanied by a montage of pictures and a Boyz II Men song. That’s pretty serious, if you ask me.

    Congrats on the win. You are truly a blogging machine.

  6. Basically everyone thinks you win at blogging. You know what that means? No? It means that you win at the internet. And the internet is pretty hard to win.

  8. Wendy, I love your blog, your swearing and your jewlery, not necessarily in that order.
    I’m with you sister on the promotional versus personal in the blog. I just can’t promote on a daily basis…I just have to offer my opinion on pretty much everything.

  11. many congratulations to you wendy b! and i agree with glc, you totally win at the internet – fuck yeah! 🙂

    i really enjoy you talking about your jewellery, it’s so nice to hear the story behind each piece, and your inspiration rather than just looking at something pretty.

    ps, i think you need to start swearing more in preparation for next year 😉

  13. Congratulations Wendy!!! You totally kicked my ass (well, FTA’s ass) in the “Blog That Is Clearly Paid to Endorse a Product or Service” category, but that’s what I get for not updating the blog for 6 months.

    well played! xo

  16. yay! your blog is such a witty outpost of creative awesomeness, my mornings wouldn’t be the same without your posts! 🙂 keep up the swearing, WB jewelry promoting and other lovely shenanigans!

  18. Well, I’ll be fucked! I had no idea you’d won “Blog of the Year”! Even if those fuckhaters couldn’t be bothered to hand over the swearing award, this isn’t a bad substitute.

  21. Fuckin-A! Well done, Wendy! You’re one rockin’ kick-ass bitch!

    And I mean that in the best way. 🙂

  23. I’m shucking and jiving as I post this comment because I expect rotten tomatoes to be thrown at my head by your loyal followers, but I simply had to come congratulate you on winning Blogger of The Year and Endorser of The Year. Both are well deserved. You serve up the fashion, the funny, and all things in between with joie de vivre. We may be adversaries once a year but I’d still tackle you for a hug any day.

    Also, thanks for saying I’m gorgeous. (The check is in the mail.)

  24. Way to be! You’re always a winner in my book. (Wiping away tears. ah ha ha) And who doesn’t love reading about your jewelry. Keep it comin’ lady!

  26. i’m so jealous you know people who speak in brackets.
    😉
    congratulations and in my eyes you’re always the blog with the most swearing!

  27. fuck them, you’re the classiest and sassiest swearer out there! oh well, next year

    I do love the informative posts about the history behind your pieces

  29. Goddammit, I was going to say “Fuck yeah!” You stole my fucking comment! 😉 And about the NY Times, I was really happy to see someone’s looks being compared to those of Kris Kirstofferson, but I forgot in which article. I’ll get back to you on that.

  30. Yeah, my anti-spam word is “wendyb!” You go girl — Blogger of The Year! Don’t worry, you WILL reclaim your title next year in the swear category. You were robbed…

  36. Who fucking swears more than you do? Honorable fucking mention? That shit’s fucked up. (see, if comments add to your swear word total, I’ve made a contribution toward next year).

  37. Thanks for the “You’re all winners to me.” To you, WendyB, I say, “It takes a winner to know a winner.” Congrats on your wins!

  39. I love that you call the non-bloggers ‘civilians,’ and am also seriously impressed at how many swear words you got Sal to use. Sorry you were fucking ROBBED on the swearing award!

  41. Bravo Miss Wendy,
    As a special gift from your fans in Spain, I am sending you a swear word…in Spanish!

    Mierda (mee-yer-duh)= shit!

    to say fuck you is much more complicated = tomar por el culo (which literally means, stick it up your ass) so, let’s start with the basics first. 🙂

    Besos from España and Merry Xmas Bitch!

    xxx Miss J.

  42. Oh dear, such potty talk. I hope my grandmother isn’t reading this on her blackberry at Church on her way up to take communion. Well at least you didn’t mention the ‘brown’ word!

    You’re my Blogger of the Year, too, Wendy. And you didn’t even have to campaign!

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