Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

If Wishes Were Horses, Beggars Would Ride

by

I wish I could un-read the story Miranda Purves wrote about her vagina for the June 2008 issue of Elle. I especially wish I could un-read this sentence: “His hand crept between my legs and he poked in a tentative finger.”

You see, Miranda is feline a bit stretched-out.

But some men appreciate a big pussy!*

I have a magazine article coming out in the July issue of Marie Claire. (I’m told the magazine will be on newsstands June 10. Mark your calendars!) I hereby swear to you that there’s nothing in my story that will remind you of the Sopranos or barnyard fowl.

One Big Pussy, one little pussy

My story is safe to read from an oversharing perspective. However, you still might have the reaction I had to the vagina story: “This shizz is depressing! Where is the fashion in this fucking magazine?” We’ll just have to wait and see.

Meanwhile, let’s all send our best wishes to Miranda and her ginormous kitty. Good luck with that, girl!

*This picture is a hoax. Click here for the whole story.

UPDATED TO ADD: To answer Lady Smaggle’s question in the comments, the international editions of Marie Claire can pick up the story though they don’t have to. We’ll find out if any are going to after the story comes out in the U.S.

You might also like
RIP, Elijah Cummings
Confession: I Worked for "Birther" Lover Lou Dobbs
Can't Get Lenny Kravitz's Phone Action Out of My Head

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. wow! That is amazing – I will pick that issue up for sure! Congratulations that is so exciting Wendy!!

    PS thanks for the love on the blog – I feel better today

  4. that big pussy photo is hilarious, I will definitely be rushing out to by that MC!

  6. Holy crap that cat is huge. Do you know if your article will be in the Australian Marie Claire too? Or just the American one? Would love to read your article when it htis newstands.

  8. Oh, and thank you, Thomas. Hopefully someday soon the shopping cart will be fully functional!

  9. yay, i’m excited to read your story! also, that cat is scary giant.

  10. Hilarious. By the way, I only sleep hanging from the rafters during full moons or hot dates with batman:) I shall have to get that issue of Marie Claire! Also, I mentioned you in my herbicide today ( I vaguely explain what I mean in my post).

  11. way to go with making me need therapy at the thought of that chicks story, you’re paying for the sessions. D:

    congrats on the article though, for once i’ll actually read that mag ahahaha.

  12. I am so psyched for that issue. Can’t wait to read what you’ve written about! Also, I just read Miranda Purves article. It’s very overshare. And I’ve had a baby! (no drugs, home birth, scary drama – the works!) All I can say is, everyone’s experience is different.

  13. Belle, I needed therapy after reading it and I didn’t want to go alone. Maybe we can get a group rate.

  14. Congratulations on your upcoming article!

    (Can’t wait to hear about your interesting google searches after this post 😉

  15. that’s great about your article! I’ll will read it, I promise! BTW, thanks for adding my link!

  16. Congrats on your article, miss – I’ll go to a magazine shoppe, and pick up a copy, hiding it in an issue of Black Tail to keep my street cred.

  20. Hi, I just found you via swag and cradle and I think I just stared at the gigantic cat for about five minutes wondering how such a thing could be possible…I like what enc had to say…I’ll go wash my brain out too. 😉

  23. Very funny post, Wendy-I can’t stop smirking!! Can’t wait to see your article!

  25. the Ring of Fire article!!!! I just read that this morning too! Yes, definitely putting childbirth on my Not to Do list.

  26. Just read the Purves article too, and all I can say is WOW…so glad that’s not a universal experience. I’ve had two kids, so I feel like I better quit while I’m ahead.

  27. I found your blog because I too could not get the Miranda Purves article out of my head. I have never heard of anyone with this phobia and personally, worrying about how I will achieve orgasm if my vagina is stretched is definitely something that I will never think about, even if I try. I give her credit for writing it. I only hope that this is not a common concern. Worry is a terrible thing.