I am totally distracted from the Grammys — despite a performance by my almost-husband Paul McCartney, who did look quite handsome — by the news that R&B singer Chris Brown is under investigation for alleged domestic violence.
The only thing I ever found remotely interesting about Chris Brown is that he dates Rihanna. Both of them were supposed to appear at the Grammys tonight, and both canceled. The police haven’t identified the woman was involved, but Rihanna and Brown were together at Clive Davis’s party last night. Rihanna, where you at? I’m concerned!
I’d like to take this opportunity to clarify my frequent threats to beat a bitch’s ass. I think 99.99% of you understand that I don’t advocate actually beating a bitch, but there’s always one fool who takes things literally. You know, the type of person who thinks my blog motto of “Wear What You Want” means she can wear a bridal gown … to someone else’s wedding. For that one person, I will explain it slowly: “Beat a bitch’s ass” is just an expression, most eloquently used by Kimora Lee in a 2005 Vanity Fair article. In real life, if I were to “beat your ass,” in most cases it would mean I’d ignore you at a party until you came over to me and I was forced to give you a fake smile. Okay, that doesn’t sound very horrifying, but EVERYONE WOULD SEE THAT IT WAS A FAKE SMILE. And that shit can sting. But seriously, don’t go around hitting folks. Also woman-beaters should remember that y’all have to sleep sometime and matches and gasoline are easy to come by. Of course, because I don’t advocate violence, I would never, ever encourage anyone to set a woman-beater on fire. Not on the record, anyway.
UPDATED TO ADD: Brown turned himself in and was booked for “making criminal threats.” The L.A. Times is posting updates here.
My, my… what an awful man he is then! Riri, run away! You know, Wendy, I was also in an abusive relationship in college. I thought I’d never be able to get out of it alive. Thank God he found someone else (I know that sounds callous but that was the only reason he left me!). For years, I was so afraid I’d meet him in a dark alley and he’d finish what he’d started. Well, it’s been 11 years since and I’m still alive. And this time, if we do meet, I’m hitting back.
I’m glad you escaped, Frances! And yeah, hitting back would be appropriate. Hitting back with a Molotov cocktail, for instance.
“Beat a bitch” has been one of my favourite expressions since I first read that Kimora piece. Along with “choke a bitch”.
Check out TMZ – they have video of him turning himself in – http://www.tmz.com/
The Clothes Horse says
I fully support your method of “beating ass.” People can be so literal/ridiculous…
Wow…that sucks. Rihanna’s kind of a tall girl. I would think she might be able to sucker punch him. Just turned the Grammy’s off. I found it frightening that I think Kid Rock is ridiculously sexy. How did that happen?! Don’t tell anyone…
ana b. says
Chris Brown! Tsk tsk. And he looks so innocent. This post made me snort with laughter.
Well, I’ll be damned! I’m so disappointed, once again, in a talented guy I hoped knew how to be a man, an adult.
Oh the literal people are a scourge, I must say.
I feel bad for Rihanna etc, but it was actually nice to hear a bit of celebrity gossip today – Australia is having a very sad day today due to natural disaster, celebrity disaster made a nice distraction for a minute or so.
Sharon Rose says
Hi there-Hopefully Rihanna is ok, this was another fabulous post my dear!
Off the record one might seriously consider something .. serious. Ha.. I sometimes wonder.
Material Girl says
Holy MOLY. That is absolutely disgusting. I thought they were such an adorable couple, and this totally pops my little bubble.
Jeez, the kid is only 19 and he’s dating the hottest girl in the UNIVERSE, and he makes this kind of a boo-boo? Homeboy is going to be sitting in front of the TV eating ice cream and sobbing in the near future.
wendy b you are hilarious! and chris brown seems so cute and innocent, it’s kind of hard to believe.
Girl Japan says
I agree.. I hope it is not for DV, if so– some change, most don’t, but it could have been one of those innocent arguments too.
” beat ass”, “beat a bitch” I love it.. because a fake smile and a fake “hello, how are you” “air kiss” stings.. and stings badly!
YOU make me laugh.
I heard that they were involve in a car accident or something like that..
BTW, Robert Plant stole the show last night, I was soo happy
The red carpet was so BORING without Rihanna! I’m always interested to see what she’s wearing. Stupid boy.
Oh dear! Why on earth would he do that? He has so much going for him!
I hope Riri wasn’t hurt or anything..
didn’t watch the grammy’s but i did hear abt this on the radio on my way to work. i’m so shocked…he seemed so innocent and turns out to be an abuser!?!
on the radio they confirmed it was her and that she really got hurt. bruises and cuts on her body and face. and they’re saying chris will prolly get off with paying a fine.
so sad…i hope she has good people around her to help her.
oh yeah, wendy, gasoline and matches are good…but a huge pot of piping hot grits is better. it sticks. thats a tip from al greens’ crazy gf. i’m not advocating…just putting it out there… 😉
Nice try at diverting our attention away from your Pinch Power.
I don’t listen to that much music, but I have to say, Rihanna is a lot better than most of the other people my friends listen to.
Couture Carrie says
I can’t believe this! Although, apparently he was abused as a child and it is tough to break that cycle.
La Belette Rouge says
We drove through down town last night and were all “gosh, I wonder if there is a big Laker game or something going on.” I am so not up on my music current affairs. Thanks for educating me.
Savvy Mode SG says
I saw the news yesterday too. that gal should be cut him out of her life period.
Miss Janey says
The one of the best bitches asses to beat is the ass of a woman beater.
The Incomparable WendyB. It is always so lovely to hear from you.
I never trusted that Chris Brown. All the kids said, “OH, he’s so sweet.” I didn’t buy it.
You, on the other hand, I trust completely. I will avoid your type of beatdowns at all costs.
She needs to get away from him like a bad smell. Sadly, I don’t think she will since it probably is not the first time…just the first time that the cops were called and got involved. Such a pretty girl in such a bad situation.
Swell Vintage - Frankie says
yes thanks for sharing honey,just wondering if the allegations are true and wonder if it is Rihanna. Thanks for update too! im intrigued to see how it pans out.
Tsk! And I always thought Chris looked like such a nice boy. Meanwhile, her concerts to be held this part of the world has apparently been postponed.
-h of candid cool says
now i remember that i heard about this on the radio this morning.
i dont really know or care much about either of them. so…
but i gotta read that kimora article. kimora is my inspiration, i quote her on a daily basis. seriously, i do.