Rihanna Owns the CFDA Awards … and Instagram!

I suspect that Rihanna has won my prestigious Best Dressed/Wear What You Want combo award for the year.  Who can possibly top the sheer Adam Selman dress she wore to pick up her Fashion Icon Award at the Council of Fashion Designers of America awards tonight? When it comes to red carpets, some people opt for elegance, others go naked, but you don’t often see elegantly naked.

Reportedly, 216,000 Swarovski crystals were used to create the custom gown, du-rag and gloves. No word on the designer of the flesh-toned thong that stood between the gawjuss singer and a triple-X rating.

I think the peeps at Instagram are going to have nervous breakdowns because these photos are going to be shared everywhere.

At the end of April, Instagram fumbled when it yanked Rihanna’s wildly popular account — @badgalriri — after the singer posted a Lui magazine cover that showed her nipples. Rihanna’s 12-million-plus followers were upset. Instagram reinstated the account, saying:

“This account was mistakenly caught in one of our automated systems and very briefly disabled. We apologize for any inconvenience.”

Um, yeah. When you disable the account of one of the biggest stars in the world — the account that has consistently been one of the most popular on your service — it’s probably a good idea to say that it was a computer error, lest you look like a dumbass. Amusingly, after Instagram restored Rihanna’s account, she gave the company a big “FUCK YOU!” by disabling the account again herself.  That’s the FLOUNCE of a lifetime!. But even without Rihanna’s account, Rihanna’s nipples will OWN Instagram for the near future.  As movie director and CFDA Awards emcee John Waters said tonight:

It is indeed ballsy to accept a fashion award while not wearing clothes … but still wearing clothes … but being naked … but technically being dressed. Mind blown! Of course, we’re talking metaphorical balls here. If Rihanna literally had balls, we’d definitely be able to see them in this outfit.

Now, there will be critics who fret that this level of nudity means the world is coming to an end. People do love to seize onto fleeting pop culture moments and predict the end of times. But I promise that there is no need to fear judgment day quite yet. RiRi isn’t the first to expose her nipples on the red carpet. It was HUGE news when actress Rose McGowan, then singer Marilyn Manson’s fiancee, wore a thong and some beads to the 1998 MTV Video Music Awards.

Obviously, the world kept turning.

I’ve also seen tweets from citizens concerned that the entire population of teenage girls will want dresses just like Rihanna’s, but I’m pretty sure that a significant number of teenagers — both boys and girls — are too painfully self-conscious about their bodies to go to school naked. There’s a reason why being naked in front of your peers is a common nightmare. For those few youngsters who do try to sneak out of the house wearing nothing but crystals they’ve stolen from the dining-room chandelier, I suggest parents ask the child in question, “Are you a wealthy, world-famous star named Rihanna who is about to receive an award from the fashion industry?” If the answer is no, tell your kid to get changed and assure her (or him) that if the answer ever turns into yes, you will help her (or him) into the chandelier dress personally, provided she buy you a giant house and fancy car first.

As for me, I think Rihanna is stunning, from her fivehead (don’t worry; she’s proud of it!) down to her toes. If she wants to show off everything in between, I’m happy to look at it. She’s so perfect, I feel she SHOULD share the joy with the world before evil gravity takes any toll. And that reminds me of something I read that, for some reason, has been on my mind lately. I read this years ago, when it didn’t really apply to me, but maybe I was having a bad self-esteem day because it stuck. As I recall it, a woman writer who was on the beach, admiring an 18-year-old in a skimpy bikini, said to her husband sadly, “I’ll never look like that again.” Her husband replied, “Neither will she.” It’s true! Make hay while you can!

UPDATED TO ADD: Family Guy‘s Peter Griffin decided to get in a “who wore it best” contest with Rihanna. She thought it was fabulous. “He gets it!” she tweeted.