Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

Living High on the iHog … in Latex

by

It has belatedly occurred to me that not everyone understands what the iHog (aka Fernando von Bakonstein) is about. You people should be ashamed of yourselves. DON’T YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?!? No? Oh. Then click here and here.

After a busy Saturday spent sightseeing and hog-nogging with an Oscar nominee, Fernando and I were planning to take it easy and maybe do a little work on my “soon-to-be-launched” website. Frankly, I think it’s more likely that a space ship to Mars will launch with me and Fernando on it before this website launches. Elephants will conceive and give birth before this website launches. The day this website launches, the devil will be all like, “Shizz, hand me a sweater, will ya?” Anyway, as I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself (Shut up! No, you shut up! No, you!), Fernando and I were going to have a quiet night at home.

Then Andrea called. I threw on an Ossie Clark dress, put on my American Apparel latex-look leggings and hopped a cab with Fernando.

That’s how Fernando and I wound up at 1OAK at 11 PM, having one of the more decadent nights I’ve had in a long time.

1OAK owner Simon Akiva (the man responsible for my beautiful birthday party at Butter) hung out with us. We heart Simon!

Andrea, Simon and Fernando

My gorgeous client Chris was there. She’s Andrea’s friend and I’d never met her in person before, so I was thrilled. She was wearing my Clemence ring in black spinel.

Chris and Fernando

Fernando got crazy and dove into the Champagne bucket.

Fernando, that’s no way to drown your sorrows.

I thanked Andrea for organizing such an exciting night.

Thank you, Andrea!

I found a new BFF. I call her, “What’s your name again?”

I love you, total stranger!

I gladly relinquished my “most amazing bosom” title when I met Kristen. Or Kristin. I don’t know which vowel she uses but she has the best cleavage ever! I must get a WendyB necklace nestled in there. That is, if Simon doesn’t get there first. I swear, this is NOT what it looks like.

Really, this was entirely innocent!
He was reaching for the bottle.
Honest to God!

Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the evidence that I left the house wearing latex leggings (sorry, Asudem, but you know what I mean.)

Get ready.

Here they are ….

Oh, wait.

No one managed to take a picture of them.

I knew this would be disappointing to you all, so when BarbaraB and GeorgeB asked me to dinner tonight, I put on the exact same outfit so I could take a picture for you. First, of course, we had to do the Fernando photo.

BarbaraB, GeorgeB and FernandoVonB

THEN we took the leggings photo. That’s not my motorcycle; we were just walking by it. I am holding Fernando.

Click to enlarge, perverts!

The best thing about this outfit is how aggravating it would be to the fashion police with all their fascist rules for women over 40. I’m wearing a too-short dress with latex leggings! Mwah ha ha ha. MWAH HA HA HA HA! Fuck y’all if you don’t like it.

As for the leggings, with some TLC from Jean at Ghost Tailor, the waistband was much improved though I still had to hitch ’em up once in a while. And they kind of bunch up at the knees. But I got used to it. They were a surprisingly big hit with the peeps last night. So there you have it. I’ll definitely wear them again. And I’ll be even older then than I was on Saturday. Suck it, bitches!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. your new hair looks great and psh screw those rules, you look great and i’m surprised fernando didn’t make his way in between any bosoms, since there seemed to be a great deal of awesome cleavage on your night out…yea i have a mild obsession with boobs, probably stemming from my lack of

  3. i have a pair of sexy gold lamé leggings from aa that won’t stay up. i need to pull them up every time i get up from my seat. by then, the sex appeal is gone…

    anyways, i think your latex leggings look hot paired with that dress!

  5. “Click to enlarge, perverts” also makes a nice double entendre, so bonus points for that.

  6. Nice latex leggings! You’ve made them look very un-hookerish. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has the sagging, bunching problem.
    I linked your Dr. Melfi post, discovered something rather embarraso.

  8. I think people have this fear of 30/40 that is maybe deep seated in our psyche. Like, because people used to die when they were forty 500 years ago and that fear has never really gone away.
    I remember when my aunt turned 30 and it was so ancient back then.
    Chillax fashion police, latex leggings should now be acceptable until well into your seventies!

  9. Miss J clicked to enlarge. Must mean she’s is a pervert.

    NO WAY is WB over 40… rockin’ the latex no matter what her age.

  11. I agree with Thomas. This sounds like a fantastic series of nights. You look fabulous and I love your new hair cut.

  12. Stick it to the Man! I men the Fashion Police! Power to women over 40. You look great, and that looks like a very fun night.

  15. I LOVE new best friends where you can’t remember their names but you know you’ll be friends 4ever. My favorite situation? The sample sale best friend. When you’re dropping trou in the middle of a crowded store and there’s not a mirror in sight, nothing says “we’re best friends” like turning to the person next to you and them saying, “not uh sister, those pants aren’t doing you any favors!” (Yes, when bargains are involved, modesty flies out the window).

  16. i have been debating some latex-y leggings at AA. worried i’d look like a dolphin trainer. but i think you guys convinced me. super hot!

  17. How much warmer do you find them than regular tights? I’ve toyed with the idea of those because I love the look of them, but since it’s May 2 and it’s going to hit 90º here today, I think that decision is going to get put off for another few months, unless they’re much cooler than they look..

  18. They’re a bit warmer than regular tights. Definitely not for 90 degree weather.