Seriously, Google, why do we have such a difficult relationship? Right now, if you Google my name, this blog is fourth on the list of results, but I don’t want to get too excited. For a long time, when I Googled “meerkat jewelry,” this blog was the third result, but when I Googled “Wendy Brandes,” this blog was on the 20th results page every other Tuesday. The rest of the time it was on the 21st page. Considering I started this blog to promote my business, this wasn’t satisfactory. I’ve done a better job promoting Coco’s ass.
But really, I shouldn’t complain. You know who should be upset? The other Wendy Brandes. Yes, there is another Wendy Brandes and she lives in New York City. We’ve known about each other since 1987 but we’ve never met in person because if we did the universe would implode and/or the Kansas City Royals would win the pennant. The other Wendy Brandes is a brilliant attorney who seems to have done things to improve the lives of poor children and people who are without health insurance. I say “seems,” because whenever I try to Google the other Wendy Brandes, all I find is a whole lot of shizz about fish feet and a picture of me carrying a whip. I’m sorry, other Wendy Brandes!
If it’s any consolation, other Wendy Brandes, sometimes I think it’s better to toil in obscurity. If you get too famous, one day you put on a dress that doesn’t fit exactly right due to no fault of your own, and everyone teases you for going out with what appears to be an armgina.
I’m sorry, beautiful actress Katherine Heigl! I would never have mentioned this because you are gorgeous from head to toe, including your armpits, but I was worried I would never have another reason to say the word “armgina” if I didn’t take this opportunity. Let’s discuss this over a jewelry-shopping session!
UPDATED TO ADD: Oh!My!God! My blog has moved up one place in rankings, actually passing the who-knew-it-would-be-the-most-important-fact-about-me-ever wedding announcement! I need to revel in this while it lasts.
UPDATED AGAIN TO ADD: I’ve disappeared again. I need a bigger whip, I guess.