An Aerosmith song has been stuck in my head for three days now. No matter where I go or what I do, “Dude Looks Like a Lady” is going through my mind. At the dentist being interrogated about my flossing habits? “Dude Looks Like a Lady!” At a jewelry wholesaler paying $10 million for three pairs of 14K gold earring backs? “Dude Looks Like a Lady!” Damn you, Steven Tyler! Damn you, the scarves tied to your microphone stand, your luscious lips and your actress daughter who didn’t know you were her daddy for a really long time.
At one point, I thought, “Let’s think of something else, anything else, to distract us from this song.” Yes, I have started thinking in the royal plural. Okay! That’s a lie. I’m really addressing my 15 other personalities, including the 3-year-old boy who feels he’s a girl stuck in a boy’s body. He likes to be called “Sweet’ums.” Anyway, in my desperate search for a distraction, I came up with, “Agathe has a pet pig.”
And you know what that led to? A couple of hours of singing, “Pig looks like a lady!” to myself.
Did you think that I wouldn’t share this joy with you? Think again, bitches!
UPDATED TO ADD: Speak of the devil!