Henry (my Pekingese), Gigi (my Peke-like Tibetan Spaniel) and I were excited that Malachy the Pekingese won Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show yesterday.
Malachy, courtesy of the Los Angeles Times. Click for source.
We considered celebrating like Lakers fans by setting some cars on fire, but we didn’t have the energy.
Henry is simply exhausted!
When a Pekingese is in the news — which doesn’t happen as often as it should — the Peke’s position on the list of the 10 least intelligent dog breeds is likely to come up. This list is from a 1994 survey; the intelligence rating was based on how many repetitions it took for a breed to learn a new command. The flaw in this reasoning should be obvious to anyone who has spent a lot of time with Pekes. (My first Peke was Mr. Chubbs; my parents’ Peke was Molly; and my sister’s Peke is named Max.)
The late Mr. Chubbs.
Pekes understand everything you’re saying. But, like the honey badger, they don’t care.
If the Pekingese had a theme song, it would be “Just Don’t Give a Fuck” by Eminem. If it had a back-up theme song, it would be “Still Don’t Give a Fuck,” also by Eminem.
Gigi is an honorary Peke. She has a little less attitude than a real Peke.
When I’m out and about and see someone in the distance walking a furry, low-to-the-ground dog with a strange rolling gait, I think, “That’s probably a Pekingese, but it could be a Lhasa Apso or Shih Tzu.” If the dog then firmly plants its feet and refuses to move, I have confirmation: it’s a Peke. Henry — like Mr. Chubbs before him — has a variation on this for anyone who hasn’t walked him previously and is innocent of his ways. He’ll trot along at a good clip for a block. Then he lies down and can’t be budged, to the extreme distress of the human, who carries him home. Sometimes concerned bystanders have volunteered to carry Henry on behalf of the worried friend/relative/dogsitter. I wonder what they think when they set the dog down in the lobby of our apartment building and see him prance off to the elevator without a care in the world.
Henry's "Bring me some food, bitch!" look.
Walking Henry is challenging even for people with experience. Henry was born with a deformed paw. An experimental operation greatly improved but (as expected) didn’t cure his foot problems. Sometimes the paw flares up and he has some pain, but he can always walk just fine. Unless it’s too hot outside. Or too cold. Or the sidewalk is wet. Or he’s done his business and wants to go inside even though Gigi needs some more time. Then he holds his paw up and looks pitiful. Try to imagine the looks I get from people as I’m dragging this little dog with an “injured” foot down the sidewalk. If the animal cops snatch me up, you’ll know why. The thing is, when Henry’s foot REALLY hurts, he keeps it elevated (and happily zooms around on three feet). When he’s faking it, he starts walking normally as soon as we’re going in the direction he wants to go in.
Post-surgery, Henry would walk up to strangers on the street and show them his bandage to get attention.
During the three or four hours each day that Henry isn’t catching up on his beauty sleep or being dragged down the sidewalk, he’s thinking of ingenious ways to hustle or steal food. I still don’t know how he unscrewed the tightly sealed top of a plastic tub containing 15 pounds of dog food. When I found him only his tail was sticking out of the container as he busily ate his way toward the bottom. And when he’s not hatching food-related plots, he’s trying to break into the off-limits guest bedroom, where he sometimes expresses his feelings about it being off-limits by pooping. It’s like living with Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog.
In the six years since I brought Henry home from the ASPCA, I have only taught him to sit and lie down for several seconds at a time. He’s taught me much more complicated things, like understanding from his expression if the water bowl is empty and I must fill it immediately. (There is a different expression he employs when the bowl is full but the water is “old” and needs to be changed.) Gorgeous blogger Jennine did manage to teach Henry to function as an ottoman. But somehow that trick has become corrupted over time, and now he sits on my feet, instead of under them, so I can be uncomfortably hot while watching television.
Before Henry realized he should be on top of feet rather than underneath them.
Basically, the Pekes in my life have all been clever dogs who also happen to be “opinionated,” as the American Kennel Club says, or “stubborn assholes,” as I might say on a bad day. The fact that I love them to death should probably be explored in a therapeutic setting!
Well I thought they were both adorable… but I didn’t have to walk them. Plus, I think all dogs can be assholes once in a while. Our dogs’ new “trick” is to wait until we just sit down to dinner and then have to go out for a walk. What kind of fuckery is that?
They must have co-conspirators who are plotting to steal your food while you are on the walk. It’s an inside job!
I love animals with personality – Henry seems like such a character. Hmmm…maybe my rascal Vizzini (the cat) has some Pekinese in him? I think I know those facial expressions!
I can’t remember the name of the book and it’s not with me here, but it’s an interesting view into dog behaviour. It refutes old theories that all dogs are basically the same, so those silly tests Pekes don’t pass apparently only measure intelligence in certain dogs.
Henry is a refined gentleman with a strong knowledge of the direction his life should take. Long live Henry!!!
or at least the direction his walks should take!
A couple of years ago, MrB was inspired to take Gigi on a walk by herself. We were amazed that she was so athletic and walked briskly, for a long time. We had no idea because she’s always been held back by her Peke friends.
HAHAHA! Henry has the most disdainful expression. He’s the male dog version of the Dowager Countess.
I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I always imagine Henry as the dog version of Donald Trump. He’s got that “Hrrrmph” face and silly disposition of his. I only managed to catch a small portion of the Dog Show, though I did get to Awwww for a little while.
I’m not a dog owner but I’m usually cheering for the Bull Terriers or Mastiff types m’self. But your pups are definitely melting my heart! They have the cutest expressive faces.
Ha ha! Henry would love to fire some people, starting with the vet.
I lovelovelove your blog and my favorites always involve the pups and/or Mr B!! Your writing gets even better when it’s really from your heart <3 Hmmmmm, that reminds me of a ring….
I could have told a million more Henry stories! Like the first time a dogsitter sat for him and she walked him all over the place and he didn’t do anything. So she took him back inside and as she’s unlocking the door, she looks at him and he’s staring at her in a challenging way while peeing on the door.
OMG, that little stinker! The fact that he holds up the not-hurting but imperfect paw for manipulation and sympathy shows his high intelligence. He’s like Baby Stewie in dog form.
I love the Henry stories. They remind me of the “piss off, kid, and get me a treat” West Highland White Terrier I grew up with. The one who tried to murder me the one and only time Mom thought it would be cute to hook the dog’s leash onto my tricycle….
Ahh, the vindictive pee! Know those well from my bulldogs.
When our beloved, do anything, even the laundry, for us, Labrador died we were in the process of moving to FL. We were downsizing out lives, so we figured we’d down-size the pooch as well. Neighbor across the street had a Peke, and we considered the breed for a while.
But then we thought it would be more fun to really screw ourselves and got a Cairn Terrier instead. Murphy MacDonald is also an asshole, but a VERY LOUD one! He’s lucky he’s cute!
Congrats on your breed taking it all down!
Cairns are SOOOO cute. Thanks for scaring me out of ever getting one. I could totally see myself falling for one of those cute faces and then I’d have a whole different kind of asshole to deal with!
It is very apparent that your dogs are well loved! You are such a great story teller.
Your pups are gorgeous. My own little doll face has his own party tricks involving new rugs. He absolutely refuses to walk in the rain, so I just carry him under my arm like a furry clutch bag, rather than endure the “cruel bitch” looks from strangers when I used to try and tug his paws up a wet street. He rules my life with a paw of steel, but he’s one of the best things in it.
Henry is so lovely but I am biased because I love all dogs, especially little ones. I have lived with toy poodles (my absolute favorite of all the animal species) for the last 17 years and I know about the ‘don’t give a fuck’ scenario. I just find that cute!
Your dogs are cute. I see this man walking a dog with leg problems on the way to work everyday. The dog’s two back legs are bandaged and he usually drags them along, but I think his condition must have deteriorated because he’s recently been fitted with a DIY pair of wheels. So now he whizzes along. Could work for Henry?!
Nah, he doesn’t really need the help. Three good legs are all ya need!
I respect Henry for having a mind of his own, as did his namesake.
Henry is cute, cuddly, clever, and cunning.
Hi my dear-Henry and Gigi are just so gorgeously cute, I love reading your stories about them!! xxx
Adorableness! Your doggies are the cutest. I’m sorry to hear about Henry’s poor foot but glad to hear it doesn’t stop him from getting into mischief :).
Thanks for the honey badger link. I am addicted to that video. If I am having a bad time at work, I cheer myself up with HB (‘HB doesn’t give a shit!’) etc etc? Ahhh
I am laughing my ass off. Oh, and that pic. of Henry just looks so pathetic… like he was a in a bad car accident or something!
I think it’s funny how animals have no problem expressing their thoughts and feelings. Instead of the top 10 least intelligent category perhaps it should be “most intelligent” these little guys know very well what, how and when to interact or communicate.
Marti
P.S. their adorable