Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

NieNie on Oprah and Thoughts About Gender Roles

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I have a memory like a sieve when it comes to important things — unless you’ve offended me, in which case I have a memory like an elephant. So even though several gorgeous bloggers told me that NieNie, the blogger who was severely burned in a plane crash last year, was going to be on Oprah yesterday, I forgot. Perhaps if they had said, more offensively, “Hey, bitch! NieNie’s going to be on Oprah. Don’t fucking forget it!” I would have remembered. Fortunately, I kept procrastinating on going to the gym yesterday and, for once, procrastination paid off . I got there right on time to see NieNie walk on stage via the large overhead TV. I was thrilled to see her looking so well. Click the photo to read NieNie’s thoughts on the experience.

NieNie. Photo courtesy of Harpo.

NieNie. Photo courtesy of Harpo.

I turned on my set a little late, so if Oprah mentioned NieNie’s blogging connection, I totally missed it. Someone let me know in the comments. That was such a big part of her whole story originally. (Click here to read all my previous NieNie posts.) Maybe the big O mentioned that during one of the times I flipped to other channel. I had to take a few breaks due to a segment in which Andrea, a woman from California who gets aggravated with her small kids and their Play-Doh, was sent to visit NieNie’s family in order to learn to appreciate the little things in life. WTF? That was so random. If the producers wanted to show NieNie at home, they could have had the cameras follow her around without an interloper. (Or — try not to laugh too hard — Oprah herself could have helped NieNie with the kids.) Being with small children is a hard job. Most adults can’t sustain a state of non-stop bliss around kids. Even animals swat their annoying cubs. I think it’s sexist to suggest a woman repress normal emotions about her children because another woman was in a terrible accident and can’t do things with her kids the way she used to. Once you say, “Never express frustration/doubt/boredom,” you might as well add, “Keep a perfectly neat house and when your husband comes home from the office at 5:30 PM, greet him at the door wearing Saran Wrap and holding his martini” and we can all go live our lives in the TV show Mad Men.

Also, during the Andrea segment, Andrea sat next to Oprah, pushing NieNie and her husband Christian to the side. That was crazy too. I was watching for NieNie’s story and there she was, pushed out of the spotlight. From the little I saw of Andrea, she seemed okay. I wanted to tell her, “Don’t let these people buy you a coach ticket for a guilt trip.” But maybe the whole reason she got involved was so she could get a few first-class plane tickets plus be on TV with Oprah. You never know what motivates people. I was once terrorized on a Jet Blue flight to California by the woman sitting in back of me with a toddler. The toddler was fine — whining at a normal level, but not kicking the seat — but the mother was constantly yelling at him. I wondered if calling the flight attendant would make things better or worse. Every time I became determined to call, the yelling would subside for a while so I didn’t do anything. At the end of the flight, I made a point of telling the woman that she had a very well-behaved baby. She said he was tired and cranky from flying to New York and back in 48 hours. Why did he do this? So she could appear with him on one of those Maury Povich paternity episodes. I swear to you, the woman sucked her teeth, tossed her hair and said of her ex-boyfriend, “I KNEW he was the father.” And, yes, I remember this because it was offensive.

Another bonus for being at the gym at that particular time was my discovery of this small Post-It on the floor.

postit

My first thought was, “Women can be wardens too, you know.” Then some questions arose: “Was the writer of this in prison?” and “Is there a paroled felon working out next to me?” and “Should I go home now?”

Speaking of traditional gender roles, I am doing some housecleaning. On the blog, not in my house. What? I’ve never cleaned the house before, so I’m certainly not going to start now. I am just pruning my blog roll. I’m removing people who are on hiatus; if you resume blogging, let me know and I’ll happily add you back in. Other than that, I’m removing anyone who doesn’t interact with me in some way, whether in real life or online. I’ve decided I do way too much for too little and it’s time to draw the line in a variety of ways. This is one of those ways. No more free advertising. If you are NOT on hiatus and you DO interact with me (via comments, a link on your blog roll or real life), then I’ve removed you mistakenly. Let me know in the comments or email me at wbjewelry at hotmail dot com. Of course, if you’ve been kind enough to write about me, I’ll keep that link in the “Thanks for the Love” section in the right column, regardless of your blog status, for as long as your link is good.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. You interact with A LOT of people. I hope your practicing safe blogging!

    That probably wasn’t as funny as I’d like to think. I’m sure my husband would be rolling his eyes.

  3. Andrea sort of bugged me. And personally? I can’t *watch* some one else at their house with out at least *offering* to help. But yeah, it would have been so much more enlightening and entertaining to have had Oprah see how much Nie goes through in a day and for her to do the work.

    Like I said on Facebook, I totally have you to thank for even knowing that Nie existed. 🙂

  4. Wendy, I’m so glad you brought this up, and you articulated it perfectly. While I was super happy to see Nie on Oprah, I thought the producers sort of missed the point in a lot of ways–no mention of her blog or her sister’s blog or the blogging community, more than half of her time dedicated to teaching another stay-at-home mom with genuine and valid frustrations to feel guilty for having said frustrations, and not even a word about what it was like to get on a plane again to get to the O Show, which I was really curious about. I love love love Oprah, but the segment didn’t quite feel right.

  5. This is one of my favorite posts Wendy. As a stay at home Mom, sometimes I get exasperated with being in the house so much, with chasing after my Tasmanian devil, with trying to come up with new and exciting ways to entertain him. Does that make me an ungrateful jerk? Are my feelings not valid? Sorry Oprah. I love my kid and I feel blessed that I am able to spend this time at home with him. But, I’m allowed to not always love it every minute of the day. Thank you very much. The focus should have been on NieNie’s incredible story. Period. Oh and as far as the blog rolls go. Where would us bloggers be without reciprocation? Way to be sister!

  6. I had no idea that she was going to be on…then again, I don’t watch Oprah, so there reall wouldn’t be a way for me to know.

    That said, I’m glad she’s doing well.

    Unrelated: I saw a spandex war going on between Amber Rose and Coco. I think she may be trying to steal your girl’s shine…

  7. My sis in law flew out to Chicago Tuesday just to see the Oprah show. Now I’m wondering if this is the same one, or will it be televised later. Now I’m in search of this interview you’re all talking about.

    PS thanks for the shout out on Francis. You do DO a lot for so little (hugs)

  8. I’m going to find the episode on the Internet. I have followed her story since the crash, and I think she is truly unbelievable. I was so excited to see that she was going to be on Oprah–sounds like they botched it–darn! (going to watch now)

  11. Now you know I keep a neat house and have a Martini ready every night for Mr MDS!

    Thank you for the NieNie update – she will never know how many of us supported her but it doesn’t matter one iota as to see her in the photo on Oprah is wonderful. I read her first posts of being at home after hospital but that was all …and to think all there was at first after the crash was hope.

  12. Oh didn’t know she was on, I would have catch the show. btw, I got the zig zag dress, it is very pretty. however, i am so sad i have fat arms…. : (

  13. NieNie looks great. I’m so glad to see she’s up and around and doing things. It’s a real sigh of relief to know she’s getting a life going again. Too bad her appearance on Oprah was overshadowed by the other “guest.”

  14. I’m really pleased your friend’s doing so well!

    I can’t watch shows like Oprah. I don’t know what it is, the whole condescending, sanctimonious, overly faux concerned attitude always makes me yell uncomplimentary things at the TV (and the host) and make unladylike gestures.

    They couldn’t have just had your friend on to talk about her experiences without jazzing it up with entertainment related stuff? Shame on them.

  15. I’m glad to hear NieNie’s doing well. As for the Andrea segment, well, mothers are human, they’re not saints. My own mom says of my brother and me, “You know, looking back at your baby pictures I think you’re cute, but I sure didn’t think so then.”

  16. sortof off topic and almost on…

    i never get to watch Oprah because I am at “teh works,” however, I saw an episode earlier this week because I was at home sick. And Oprah herself went out to visit this family who are raising a daughter who is about 7 and is schizophrenic. I think Oprah made some remark about spending an hour with the kid and how frustrating it was. Maybe that’s why she didn’t go visit NieNie. Or maybe not.

    See? Not exactly on topic. So. Yeah.

  17. So glad to hear that NieNie is doing so well!
    What an interesting post-it… I love finding notes and stuff around. I am a typical nosey Gemini!
    I’ve had a link to your blog on mine for over a year, does this entitle me to be thanked for the love? 😉
    xoxo

  18. I didn’t get to see the entire episode, just what was online. I didn’t quite get the entire Andrea part of the show; NieNie alone is amazing and I want to hear her, not another frustrated mom (like me sometimes.)

    Please send some housecleaning energy my way!

  19. Hey Wendy, Great Post!!! I saw it and just love nienie so much, she is amazing beyond words!! I thought it should be more more and more about nie and less about the other lady. I wanted to hear more about her blog and any ways in which I can help, if there are any???
    xxx
    Bunny
    ps, keep me posted on any fab francis finds!!!

  20. I saw this episode last night and was a bit miffed about the whole Andrea thing too. I kept thinking that she was pretty lame for complaining and coming on the show to talk about how HER life was so good in comparison to Nie Nie’s. Ok, I can see why, but it was so patronizing. I’m reminded of rich American kids who go on missions trips through their churches to poor countries so they can suddenly appreciate their lives. Woe is me, blah blah blah. She just struck me as really immature.

  23. With regards to the warden, what if you were working out in the middle of two escapees and they were passing notes? So exciting! This ALMOST motivates me to go to the gym. Except if I did I would find a note stating “We thought your fat ass would never bend over to pick this up.”

  24. Yeah NieNie!! You were amazing during her ordeal with your fundraising, Wendy.

    And, moreover, re: “the woman was in a terrible accident and can’t do things with her kids the way she used to. Once you say, “Never express frustration/doubt/boredom,” you might as well add, “Keep a perfectly neat house and when your husband comes home from the office at 5:30 PM, greet him at the door wearing Saran Wrap and holding his martini” and we can all go live our lives in the TV show Mad Men.”

    That is genius.

  26. She looks great! I wish I could have seen it, but employment is cutting into my Oprah-watching in the most absurd fashion. Great comment about Andrea, too. I love my children but have had more than one exasperating day with them, and I refuse to accept any suggestion that that makes me an ungrateful mother.

  27. I’m ashamed to say that when I saw your tweets about NieNie on Oprah,I thought you meant NeNe from that Atlanta Housewives show. I was wondering why you would care about that. (school work and quizzes are scrambling my brains) I’m glad to see NieNie’s doing better.

  28. I love being the only “E” link in the Fashion roll. I’m always thrilled to see comments from you!

    I always like finding little notes like that. I have a great one that I’ll have to post some time. Check out Found Magazine: http://www.foundmagazine.com/ – You should send this note in!

  29. I was wondering where I dropped the post-it – can I have it back?

    LOL!

    I forgot to dvr the NieNie epi so I hope I can find it online somewhere – but what’s up with that famewhoring Andrea lady – not cool!

    Yay for Tuesday love!!

    XOXO
    Amy

  31. It was so interesting to see NieNie walking around and to see her stretching and to see the gloves on her hands. I am only a recent follower of Nie and she has an unbelievable spirit .. it was hard to see her in pain and to see the dressing station and to see her not be able to pick up her babies. Ugh it just brought me to tears.

  34. that random post-it reminds me of those ‘found’ pieces like scraps of notes, letters, random miscellania that ira glass from This American Life did an episode on a few years ago. provocative, no?

    i think the nienie phenomenon attests to the amazing and positive possibilities of the blogging community. something to toss back to all the blogging naysayers!

  35. If the warden was a women does that mean the prison guard was a man?
    I don’t watch the “O” one. But your fantastic blog post has me wanting to see this episode and even more than that I want to see the Morry Povitch show with your flight mate.
    Good job on the blog house keeping. I keep putting up a sign for maid service and no one comes. Guess I have to clean my own blog.

  38. I’m so glad I caught up with you tonight. This was the same convo I had with someone today.
    I think Oprah is a terrible interviewer, but holy crap she missed the boat on this one. There were so so so many other things she could have hit on like surgery’s and how they are cosmetic at this point so they all have to be paid for out of pocket, blogging – she didn’t even touch on the blogging, fundraising – lets do some more or look what the world came together and already did, possibly send one of Nie’s numerous fans to go help her for the day instead of a stranger who was no help. They cut out everything that they said about their faith, prayer and church. She just missed the real story.

    Don’t get me wrong,I was thrilled to see Nie Nie and watch her walk and talk and cuddle with Christian, SHE LOOKED AMAZING!

    love you girl! j

  39. I’ve never missed US television as much as I do now! For some reason, we do not get Oprah in Hong Kong.

    I went to Oprah’s website and was able to see the “Nie’s daily life” segment with that awful woman (totally with you on that). How do they find these people?

  40. Having been the victim of 14 year old tv and radio researchers on many occasions, I can sorely empathise with NieNie and her displacement.

    What was wrong with the much loved and missed, Blogger in love concept?

    Okay, I kind of hate Oprah a lot for the whole “Jenny Macarthy, I mail my shite off to be tested for mercury in a fedex box and then blame all vax for autism” thing, but this just helps me hate her even more.

    Focusing on the positive I was delighted to see Nie Nie in your blog title. And even happier to see her picture.

    I might be a Hammie on Hiatus but I am posting as my working girl identity – in order to avoid removal/ Please dont feel obliged to visit or comment over there. I visit here all the time via iPhone but only bother my arse to comment when on the mac. Safari treats me like a bored Barrista who refuses to remember my coffee preferences, passwords and Urls, whereas Firefox welcomes me back like an old friend.

    Nie Nie is fucking brave because she has to be. Never underestimate the luxury of choice. xx

    The warden used to be a man.

  44. That post it is so random, what does it even mean and was it meant for you? Maybe they read your blog…but not sure how that would connect things anyway.

    As someone who wants children more than anything in this world, it always upsets me to see parents upset with their children for no particular reason. And this, this was just too much.

    I hadn’t heard about NieNie, going to read it right now.

    p.s. Oh, I’m not sure if you removed me…or if I was never there, LOL. Oh and just in case I didn’t tell you gave you an award on this post, http://extradots.blogspot.com/2009/09/i.html

  45. I didn’t think the other guest overshadowed Stephanie; a long segment on just her preceded that piece. But the philosophy of feeling better about your situation by comparing it to that of someone struck by tragedy is short-sighted. NieNie made a decision (as she said) to live, because of her family. Andrea has to make her OWN decision to value the role of mother, or not.