It looks like singers Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together, even though he ruined her Grammy night last month by giving her an ugly makeover with his fists. I’m hoping she’s trying to lure him into a false sense of security so she can get her revenge. I suggest she stash him in a well, moisturize him and make a nice suit out of his skin a la Silence of the Lambs. She’s into that edgy fashion, you know. Please, Rihanna! Please tell me you’re going to come to your senses and say to Chris, “It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it’s told.”
“Put the fucking lotion in the basket!”
Unfortunately, even very intelligent women can wind up in abusive relationships. Gorgeous blogger Frances of Topaz Horizon recently was brave enough to share her story in the hope that any women who recognize themselves in it will get help. She gave me permission to link to it, so here it is. I encourage you to go read it.
If you are in the U.S. and need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
UPDATED MARCH 6 TO ADD: I don’t know if this crazy shit is true, but the Chicago Sun-Times claims that as part of Chris Brown’s image rehab, he and Rihanna are going to co-author a book about abuse. Even nuttier is this:
“Part of the deal involves a contractual agreement between Rihanna and Brown. Word has it, the alleged abuser has agreed to pay Rihanna ‘as much as $10 million’ and possibly more ‘if he as much as squeezes her arm the wrong way,’ said the Brown insider.”
WTF? You know, if you have to make deals about how much he’s going to pay you when he next slams your face into a car window, maybe this is NOT THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU. Someone save this poor young woman — girl, really — from herself as well as from the teenaged loser she thinks she loves.
I am glad you, and other bloggers, are posting about this.
I have had friends in abusive relationships and know how hard it as for them to leave. The abuser gets them to a mindspace that makes them think they deserve the treatment.
I have found for myself…the minute a guy even verbally threatens me with harm I am out of there. The caring for them in me dies instantly.
The friends I have had who were in the situations re out of them now…but it makes me realize how easily a woman, even a smart woman, can end up in such a situation.
It makes me glad that people are speaking about this thanks to the Rhianna situation because if people sharing their thoughts and stories can encourage one woman to leave an abuser…it is worth it.
I was shocked when I heard they were back together. I have my doubts it was the first time it had happened too. She is so young, I hope she can find someone to help guide her out of this situation, or find the strength herself. Thanks for blogging about it Wendy.
That girl needs some sense beat into her. Shocking that she’s taking him back.
does she not realize she’s rihanna? she can get pretty much get any guy she wants. it would be tragic if she really is back with him.
Hi there-thanks for highlighting this problem and sharing Frances link too.
I know! She needs to come back to her senses. It’s Disturbia!
I don’t know if there is ever a good reason to go back to someone who ever laid their hands on you in an abusive way. My father was abusive and life with him sucked. Domestic abuse needs to be taken more seriously by everyone.
It puts the lotion in the basket!
I completely agree though, Rihanna is not just a singer but also a role model for lots of young women and indeed women of all ages out there. If she sings songs of empowerment then I think she also has something of a responsibility to set an example and take control herself.
H
Thanks, WendyB, for the link. And thanks for the advice about cards with my blog’s address on them.
Thank you Wendy. The company I work for has a home exclusively for women and their children who have been victims of domestic violence. The numbers are staggering with regards to women who return to their abusers. Thank you for providing a contact for women who need help. Hopefully it will help someone in need.
i got a major lump in my throat after i heard she took him back. it’s just such a bad role model for other women in abusive relationships.
It makes me sad to think that we can get sucked into the abusive vortex.
It’s even sadder to think that we can’t always identify abuse when it’s happening. Sometimes, just comments—or a series of them—qualify.
I vote we run as fast as we can from partners who don’t allow us to feel good about ourselves, or be who we are, unfettered.
That was brave of Frances, I hope it helps someone. When my husband (detective) was a patrol officer, at least half of his calls were domestic violence. He would always tell any woman who would listen that it almost NEVER gets better, it almost ALWAYS gets worse, and that she should get out. It was sad to hear how many of those women just didn’t accept that.
Abusive relationships are so complex – and so destructive. I am sad for Rhianna that she doesn’t seem to be able to break the cycle here. I only hope that her family can help her through this and that, over the course of time, some good comes of this situation.
Thanks for this post, W.
The stupidity and naive optimism of youth…
Hey Miss Wendy, thank you so much for doing this…I wish I could say I was surprised they were back together, but sadly, I wasn’t. It’s a pattern I have seen repeated *so* many times, a cycle that is extraordinarily hard to break.
You’re a champ,
tp
Very disturbing, but sadly part of the pattern in these relationships. I hope she can evolve out of this before she is damaged further. And even though he is not hitting her, he clearly aims to dominate and control her. I hope she gets help.
On another note, Wendy, have you seen this DVD/Artwork by Jeremy Blake entitled "Reading Ossie Clark" — here is a link to some thumbnails. Looks very cool…
http://www.ktfineart.com/artists/jeremy_blake/?heading_id=51&project_id=88
he’s a nasty piece of work … those pictures of him laughing and playing in the ocean on a jet-ski made me feel a little sick. imho, he’s revealed himself completely … if they remain together it will only get worse for her.
It seems really sad that she feels able to go back to him. The idea that she needs a man who would do such horrible things to her…
Thanks for the comment… I was wondering about the sling back element myself. Luckily they’re sold out everywhere. Though I’m eyeing a candy pink pair of the Melissa + Alexandre Herchcovitch Oxfords that despite their jelliness I know are COMFY, as I tried on a pair in TopShop a while back… Didn’t get them as the queue was too long and rue the day.
Hugs, Xxxc
Thanks for saying this, Wendy. I was flummoxed when I heard. Sickened, too. Hope you’re right about her revenge plot …
Yeah I’m a little shocked and sad to hear that they are back together. It’s not right and I hope Rihanna comes to her senses before he does it again…
It troubles me how verbal abuse is so easily brushed aside, even joked about. I see so much of it open and in public that it terrifies me to think what’s being said behind closed doors.
it’s awesome that you’re posting awareness about this. i cant believe everything that’s happening with her and CB.
I literally can’t believe she’s back with him! I can’t believe none of her friends or family have talked any sense into her! It’s so sad, she seems so nice…
I’ve really appreciated you’re attention to this matter.
I was in that kind of relationship for 3 yrs and I know how hard it is to get out.
Even friends, sometimes, wouldn’t understand – til they saw by themselves. After it ended, he started calling, writing, waiting for me; I don’t live in the same city anymore, he’s been stalking me for 2 yrs now.
It’s really helpful and useful to talk about it.
I think domestic violence and stalking are two of the worst things that can affect a woman’s psychology.
We still don’t have a proper law about stalking here in Italy, for example, and – even if I’m happy and have a new life – he is a constant thought. It so hard to know and accept that there is a person out there that still has the “right” to affect my life from a distance..
Sorry about all this talking!
BTW, I really hope she doesn’t buy that he loves her or something..!
They’re back together?!! oh dear, I hope she’s planing a revenge just like you said.
That’s horrible, but necessary to read. And that’s not an insult, that’s applause.
She may have to “check into rehab” if she remains in this relationship. Terrible, terrible.
And I, too, had a friend in an abusive relationship. It’s amazing how many women who’ve commented here know somebody!!
Tina Turner needs to give her a talking to.
stunning to me that that someone so talented could have such little self love. and that the people around her aren’t talking sense into her. F. so sad to be surrounded by “yes” men.
when i am rich and famous you help me keep it real ok?
It’s also equally disturbing how honest ‘off the record’ comments by his peers (Kanye, Usher) condemning his actions have been immediately spun the other way when they’re publicised so that they can remain in good favour. A 19 year-old loser such as him has that much power in these circles? These guys need to stand up and be men. No wonder Rihanna doesn’t know what to do.
This is really sad for Rhianna, hope she’s doing well now
PS: I have pics now in mi Ossie post 🙂
Riri needs to learn the value of a good cock punch. It’s the only thing jerks like Chris Brown understand.
It really does make your heart sink to see this, especially from a woman with no shortage of love and adulation, not to mention material resources. I guess we accept the love we think we deserve.
I posted about this and after it was up for awhile only ONE person commented. I don’t know if my readers didn’t agree with me or what but, I was a little shocked.
I was in an abusive relationship from ages 15-18. There was not physical abuse per se, as in, he didn’t “beat” me with his fists. He was, however, verbally and sometimes, sexually, abusive. It was very difficult for me to leave him. It was very difficult for me to admit, even to myself, that something was wrong.
I was diagnosed with Dissasociative Disorder (not DID where you have multiple personalities) after having a nervous breakdown. I do understand the pull and the draw to the relationship and the emotional attachment to the perp. It’s so hard to leave and once you do and get better, you feel like a fool.
I had a great childhood, great parents, and was pretty smart. It took a long while for me to see why I got together with him and why I stayed. We all know that Rhianna is beautiful and talented and shouldn’t be with this boy. I hope that her friends and family do everything they can to get her away from him. Before it’s too late.
i still can’t believe she took him back…if it is all true. it sickens me to even look at his photo. what a douche.
I’ve been feeling ill ever since I heard she’s “forgiven” him — she needs help. Glad you blogged about it.
They are product; they are also real people and I’m sorry for both of them. But I fear a lot of this is about “image” and publicity. Any woman who is abused, and not just physically, should avail herself of the resources you list, and her friends, and get out. It is never OK, you never deserve it, and it is NOT going to change.
Hi Wendy! Thanks for linking to my post. Like I told you, that post got a bit of interesting feedback.
It’s never okay to be abused but let’s not condemn Rihanna. We forget that these are young girls who really don’t know any better. I certainly won’t take that kind of shit now but when I was a kid, I accepted everything–not just the abuse of my boyfriend then but also the cruelty of my girlfriends (and we all know how cruel girls can be) because we all thought that love means just that–utter acceptance.
I hope Rihanna gets out of that doomed relationship fast. After reading the police report, I am convinced that Rihanna was lucky to get out alive. Chris Brown will kill her, I’m sure of it.
I was one of those gals who took that kinds of shit once, twice, it takes all your self-esteem and throws it out the window- my ex who was manipulative and smart, was not easy to leave, and by the time I did the situation rendered me hopeless, some men change, many don’t– there needs to be more shelters etc, because often times WE are too ashamed to go to family or friends.
I left my money, and property behind and started over.. but one thing is for sure, there should be MORE shelters and help centers and often the abuser learns how to use the system to HIS/her advantage.
Can you believe he pleaded NOT GUILTY??? Who the frak beat up Rihanna’s face to a pulp then? The Lamborghini? This case is just infuriating.
^^Disgusting. Yeah, some cars are just bad seeds.