Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

Dame Is Two Letters Away From Dumb

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When my former dream client, actress Helen Mirren, said some shizz about date rape to GQ earlier this year, I didn’t say anything because I never read the original article (of course, neither did the majority of the people who were crapping their pants about it). From what I read about the article, it seemed to me that, in the quote that made everyone crazy, Mirren was not saying that date rape shouldn’t be illegal, but rather that certain he-said-she-said situations are extremely hard to prove in court. Which is true, even when the evidence seems obvious. I decided that even if my interpretation was too kind, I would overlook this mess because it was probably just Helen’s cocaine-brain talking. Just say no, kids.

Looking for drugs, Helen?

I think my drug theory was the right one, because Dame Helen apparently cooked up her own meth (because she gave up the coke) and sat down with Chrissy Iley (a writer who once gifted Johnny Depp with a dildo) for an interview with the Times of London. During this interview, either Helen or Helen’s meth goes from saying “she loves women ‘in general more than men'” to arguing that most women are competitive haters who wouldn’t believe another woman’s rape testimony. “The only reason I can think of is that they’re sexually jealous,” Mirren muses, while getting confused about the legal process.

Well, then! First of all, I’m sick of women crying about how women are always so hateful to other women. As I’ve said before, that has not been my experience at all. I have, however, found that women who assume (no, wait, they “know“) that other females are all jellus h8ers tend to be so hostile to the sisterhood that they create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Secondly, even if women are as competitive as all that — so fucking what? Humans are competitive by nature. Men are and it’s not even remarked upon. Why do grrrls have to be saints? Double standard! (And please, hate-accusing ladies, don’t try to convince me that the male of the species is operating on a higher plane just because you’ve manipulated a few dudes into niceness with your feminine wiles. A dose of sex-ay will make a lot of straight men briefly condescend to see your point of view.) This reminds me of how Empress Wu got a bad rap for killing a few annoying relatives now and then, but no one batted an ancient eyelash whenever male rulers decided to give the family tree a thorough pruning.

Weirdly enough, the dumb dame didn’t irritate me as much as the writer, Chrissy Iley, who reacts to one of Helen’s jokier servings of haterade with, “But she’s right. On the whole, women don’t like other women, because women are competitive with each other.” Speak for yourself, lady! You haven’t taken a damn survey! In fact, you haven’t even done your laundry. Seriously. The article ends with this: “As I get up to go, she [Mirren] stops me and says, ‘And thank you for the view.’ I blush. I was jet-lagged, I had no clean underwear, so I’d gone without. I didn’t think she’d notice. But she did. And she laughs, the minx. ” WTF? Chrissy is flashing her chimichanga region to a woman who is potentially confused about date rape? She’s asking for it! I mean it. She wants Dame Helen to ravish her with Johnny Depp’s gift-wrapped dildo! Bow-chicka-bow-wow!

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Comments

  3. The interviewer went without underwear and was PLEASED when Ms Mirren noticed – eeewwwww!
    Great post Ms WendyB, well said.

  6. Hmmm. So women don’t like women. How does she explain lesbianism? Miss J thinks for the most part, we reap as we sow; we see what we are. If we see women who are competitive and back-stabby with other women, what we’re really seeing is a reflection of our own tendencies. Miss J is working in a cast with a woman director and three other women and four guys. The women are among the most supportive she’s ever worked with.

    PS- how appropriate… Miss J’s “word verification” for this post is “haterse”…

  7. If you’re going commando and you’re conducting an interview, I’d think you’d be hyper careful to not flash.

  8. oh wendy, again your writing is superb, please teach me how to!!!!
    i enjoyed this post from ‘when’ to ‘wow’ 🙂

  9. Well said. I absolutely HATE when women complain about how all women really hate each other, almost as much as I hate when my fellow mothers of boys say stupid s%%% like “aren’t you glad you have boys? they’re so much easier than girls” (shudder). Of course, my sons are perfect as they are, but the idea that I’d have been sorry to have girls is insane.

  10. I agree Wendy. Seen her on tv chat shows a few times and I’ve never particularly warmed to her.

  11. I read about this and I was seriously confused about it all: the date rape, the women hating women, the coochie flashing (?!?). I mean, what professional flashes the client? Other than a stripper, I mean?

    Can’t say much for Ms. Mirren’s modernity.

    Oh, and my capcha is unamora!

  12. Whoa, what a weird interview from both parties! And you’re right on about humans being competitive in general; it’s just a matter of how that competitive spirit comes out. For a spiteful few (and this is regardless of gender…I have a guy friend who’s having problems with this), it means raining on someone else’s parade when they succeed. For others, the competitiveness motivates them to work harder.

  19. I have been a fan. I didn’t know much about her. The more I know her the less I like.

  23. Wendy you are a super writer with a super straight talking quality. I LIKE it. She is a nutter alright. wFT I say.

  24. Nice write-up and I totally agree with you. I also get annoyed with women who say they prefer working with men b/c there’s no BS and issues. What?!?! I’ve never had any issues with either male or female bosses or co-workers. I don’t understand those girls who say that. BTW, I’ve loved your jewelry for a long time now and just recently stumbled onto your blog! Yay me 🙂

  25. I know I shouldn’t have been disappointed because it’s not as if I know her but both of her statements seriously gave me some WTF moments.

  26. LOL!!! This is a great post. I have also always been rather confused about this whole women-hating-women stereotype…most girls in my life are generous, kind, and honest [with their faults, like everyone else]. As far as women not believing other women who claim to have been raped — that seems entirely, insanely untrue. If anything, it seems to be the opposite. Women are so in-touch with the fear of rape, that even the idea of a fellow woman being sexually assaulted brings out the rage and activism in all my women-friends.

  27. Well said. But as a former journalist, aren’t you always kind of surprised by the ethics and laws covering UK journalists? IT’s like they are so similar…but also so drastically, drastically different.

  28. Whoah, I had no idea Mirren was so nutty! As a woman, date rape is BAD and if you think it happened then it probably did. So there.

  29. holy shit chimichanga has me ROLLING.

    think you are totally right: being a hater is not gender specific. some people suck. others don’t. some are insecure. some aren’t. simple.

  30. Geez four days away from blogging and i miss all this! I’ve been in an academic bubble but I have to say Mirren is very stupid. In the UK our rape laws are so antiquated guys get off because the jury has to prove beyound reasonable doubt that there was no element of consent -it isn’t worded like that but that what it boils down to. Rape, date rape and attempted rape is often factly i.e. scientifically proven with dna, forensic eveidence but the lawyer and the defendant spend however long selling their work as a piece of consenting adult fun. The jurours are put in a position where there subjective views are unable to view the process objectively and most case are not gulity or dismissed due to no verict being reached.

    Mirren is now off my christmas card list and enc’s remark officially wins funniest comment of 08!

  32. i’ve never thought her to be “that” type of woman – the kind who thinks most women are just jealous of their own species. meanwhile, your urban vocab is totally amazing!

  36. ” She wants Dame Helen to ravish her with Johnny Depp’s gift-wrapped dildo!”

    OH MY FRICKEN GOD! Thats the wackiest funniest shitt i’ve ever read!!! Bahahahaha!!