My Amazon order of The Memoirs of a Beautiful Boy by Robert Leleux arrived. I know it doesn’t sound like my usual royal reading, but the author is kind of a queen. Robert and his eccentric, wig-wearing, man-chasing mother live in dull Petunia, Texas (“Where God Stuck the Enema,” as Mother calls it), but drive to Neiman Marcus every Saturday to get their hair and nails done.
When Robert finally realizes that he’s gay, Mother isn’t impressed by his announcement. “How could you be my child and not be gay?” she says. “Women like me always have gay children. Cher, Lana Turner, Queen Elizabeth. My God, look at Queen Elizabeth.”
The book is worth reading for the infected lip implant story alone. “It’s enough to make a girl start believing in inner beauty,” Mother sighs after the implant pops out of her lip and terrorizes a small child in a department store ladies’ room.
Here’s the other funny thing that came in the mail.
The employees of Discount Surgical Stockings are waiting to hear from me! Oh noes! I hope they’re not holding their breath. But, let’s not rush to judgment here. What if discount surgical stockings prevent the dreaded knee wrinkling, which I used to worry about until I delegated that worry to La Belette Rouge? Maybe I will become a valued customer after all. I’m not ready to start believing in inner beauty.
Meanwhile, this postal mystery remains unsolved.
“That’s what this industry is all about isn’t it? – INNER BEAUTY!”
-devil wears prada
WB, I think you have at least another year or so to go before your legs start aching and you require such au fait hosiery.
Still, though, you might start a new trend by pairing them with butt bow and strappy heels.
Ah yes, the surgical stockings-when these were suggested to my grandmother (who at eighty this year is certainly more an ideal customer then yourself) she quite emphatically told us that she would use her rhinestoned lucite heels to embed them somewhere quite unpleasant, explaining why exactly she is my premier role-model.
I have the strongest urge to read that book now. Hell your description is probably funnier than the book. I’m not sure Queen Elizabeth ACTUALLY birthed any gays (jury’s still out on Edward) but she sure did birth a lot of giant TOOLS.
I have the strongest urge to read that book now. Hell your description is probably funnier than the book. I’m not sure Queen Elizabeth ACTUALLY birthed any gays (jury’s still out on Edward) but she sure did birth a lot of giant TOOLS.
I have the strongest urge to read that book now. Hell your description is probably funnier than the book. I’m not sure Queen Elizabeth ACTUALLY birthed any gays (jury’s still out on Edward) but she sure did birth a lot of giant TOOLS.
What are surgical stockings? It sounds rather scary.
Wendy, is it the Mia Scent locket with the gorgeous little flowers adorning it? I think I’m a little bit in love.
Yep,that’s the one. I’m going to get around to doing it as a ring one of these days too.
Sounds like a potentially funny book, but I’ll wait for your recap. I’ve decided that I now prefer reading books that way. I also like watching Lost that way too-that recent recap of the whole season had me set. Not too stressful, which is always my big concern with Lost. Ugh, the stress.
I also prefer reading most TV shows to watching them. I was really into Television Without Pity for a while but the writers got so full of themselves. If they’re such TV geniuses, they should go produce some shows, you know? Instead of just complaining. Anyway, I’m afraid this is as much as you’re getting on Mr. Leleux’s book. He’s not THAT much of a queen to meet my standards for long recaps!
Mock now, WendyB. You won’t be laughing when your wrinkled knees are down around your ankles.
I know! I know! Soon I will be begging for a rush order(or maybe I will just tuck wrinkled knees into ankle boots….still considering my options). But my favorite thing was definitely their perception that I’d already been enjoying some discount surgical stockings for half a year now and need an upgrade!
Dear Wendy,
I wouldn’t worry about it. I keep getting mailings from AARP imploring me to join up. The last one even included a mock membership card with my name on it, apparently to serve as added inducement. And I’m at least 15 years away from actual eligibility.
Oh well. Perhaps I can at least take advantage of the travel discount.
Salut,
Marjorie
Don’t rush to judgement, MissW: maybe these stockings would be a nice complement to your Versace lacy pants?
Marjorie, those AARP bitches are aggressive. Be careful that they don’t hunt you down and drag you back to their lair.
ENC, in a year or two, I’m sure the stockings will be a necessity with those pants.
o wow, that book really looks promising. i love her mother statement about mothers with gay children. 🙂