Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

We Tag the World. We Tag the Children.

by

If you weren’t sentient in the ’80s, you missed some interesting fashion. You also missed the moment when wealthy musicians from the U.S. and U.K. first started tormenting innocent African people with insipid charity songs. It’s bad enough to be starving. It’s worse to be starving while some craptastic song generates large amounts of money that will never help anyone because the corrupt government that caused the famine in the first place is diverting all the donations to drugs, guns and Swiss bank accounts.

The question is which is the more awful charity song: We Are the World (U.S.) or Do They Know It’s Christmas (U.K.)? Don’t answer that! It was a trick question. Obviously Do They Know It’s Christmas is worse thanks to Bono bellowing, “Tonight thank God it’s them instead of you!” Though I’m kind of feeling him right now because when I consider the many things that I regret, I am happy that at least I didn’t sing that line in a charity song. So tonight thank God it’s Bono instead of me!

For ’80s old-timers like myself, the video is the hotness. I love seeing the Durans, Sting and George Michael looking so purty!

The whole reason I brought this up is that I was singing “We are the world” to myself after being tagged by This Lady of Kuwait and Diana Bobar of Romania. I keep trying to retire from the tag business, but how can I resist such wonderful wimmins who have tagged me from so very far away? Especially since This Lady has come up a shockingly long list of questions that no sane person would ever want to answer! So I will answer This Lady today, and I will answer Diana tomorrow, and I will beat the ass of any bitch who tries to hit me with a 100-item tag.

Do your closest friends have any nicknames for you? None they’ve ever been stupid enough to share with me.
What would your ex-(boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse) say about you in one sentence? This isn’t a hypothetical for me. In real life, an ex said to my now-husband, “She’s delightful.” Ah, the polite lie. You can never go wrong with one of those.
What is the greatest achievement of your life so far? Well, I found an eyeliner that I really like. What?! Don’t judge. It took a long time to find that. MAC Fluidline.
How should people think of sex in this, the 21st century? When I think of sex, I think of Paris Hilton in nightvision. Doesn’t everyone?
Where would you live if anywhere was possible? New York City is the capital of the world, baby, and I’m already here.

Is there a sex toy that you would endorse? Back in the day, magazines devoted to Duran Duran used to do quite a lot for me.

John Taylor, I still wuv you!!!!


Is there a religion that’s fulfilling for you and/or the masses? No.

What inspires awe in your life’s experience? Eh? What are you asking me? I’ll just say “a beautiful sunset.” That seems to work for most questions about life.

What was/is your best pick-up line? “Hey sailor, buy me a drink!”

What and when is the most potent emotion you’ve ever experienced and why? Sadly, I’ve only experienced impotent emotions. They say it’s not me, it’s them, but I still feel so rejected.

On what occasions do you act self-absorbed or just plain selfish? Jesus! I said I would answer the tag…not work on it for years.

If someone assigned you a quest, or if you decided your own, what would you be looking to find? The Meaning of Life. I’m pretty sure it’s in my local video rental place.
If you had to choose between them, would you live in Hollywood, Washington D.C. or New York, and why? I think I’ve made that clear! But maybe someday I’ll get some fake boobs and lips and move out west.

Who or what makes you feel “whole”? Non-skim milk.

Where is your greatest opportunity for change? Under the couch cushions.
What do you consider to be the greatest opportunity for humankind? To create peace on earth through international fashion blogger outreach programs.
What surprises you about getting older? Every day an exciting new wrinkle!

What or who makes you feel younger or rejuvenated? My emotional immaturity.
Where or when do you feel most alone? When I’m sober.
Where or how is society most ripe for change? When a famous gunslinger rides into town. Shane! Come back, Shane!
Do you think of yourself as attractive to the opposite sex? Are you kidding? To the opposite sex, the same sex and sexes that haven’t even been invented yet.

And I’m even more lovable in color!


When or where do you feel the most free? You know, I’ve been trying to think of my “happy place” recently, and I’m not sure where it is. Any ideas are welcome.

What is the greatest memory of your life to date? Can’t say here! My mother might read it.
Where and when did you find out who you really are? Still searching.
How and when do you collect your thoughts and why? Often while writing this blog.

If someone told you when and where you would die, what would you do immediately after being told? I think crying would be #1 on my list.
What are the best parts of being in love? Believing it’s perfectly acceptable to commit the kind of PDA that frightens children and livestock.

What’s your favorite libation (a drink offered to a god)? Champagne. And people offer it to me all the time. Put two and two together, bitches.

What “life philosophies” have you adopted since you’ve become an adult? “This will probably all work out okay in the end.”
How would you like to be remembered? As the sporadically amusing owner of an uncountable number of black t-shirts. I’m pretty sure I will achieve this.

Now I get to inflict this on other peeps. As usual, if I tag you, you don’t have to do it, but I like to take the opportunity to promote other blogs. To continue the We Are the World theme, I am tagging Andrea of Martirio’s Way (Chile) and Only Shallow (Finland). I’m too exhausted by This Lady’s assignment to pick any more.

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Comments

  1. Hey … so guess what the next subject of my blog will be. I won’t fill in all the questions though. There’s just too many questions.

  2. Don’t blame you, Sid. I’m kind of worn out. But This Lady is such a nice lady, I had to do it for her.

  4. I know a guy who used to perform “We Are The World” for karaoke, and he did a phenomenal hilarious job mimicking all the artists’ voices in the original tune.

    BONO SANG THAT LYRIC?! I DON’T REMEMBER THAT! MUST GO BACK AND CHECK THIS OUT! EEK!

  5. Hahahaha!! Seriously I’m in stitches! Wendy u didnt have to do it if u didnt want to, but i knew u would have some of the best answers, so u cant blame me for tagging can u?

    And furthermore, my Wendysian goddess of everything sarcastic, quirky and Coco-ish, it is my first tag and I was like a kid with new toys! Or like a Coco with new implants!

  6. On another note, i really loved “We are the world”. Would it be embarassing to say i have it on my iPod?

  7. 1. I <3 you.
    2. Back in the day, magazines devoted to Duran Duran used to do quite a lot for me. It still does it for me.

  8. Hey, I am old enough to remember both of these songs and I still happily sing along to both should I hear them on 80’s flashback radio. I feel so old. Ugh!

  9. Hysterical, as always.

    I tried to email you re: cat brawls but the address didn’t work. How do I get on the VIP list?

  11. Oh dear…bad email news. Hmm. Which one did you try? How about wbjewelry at hotmail dot com?

  14. Ah dude. My sister and I, while huddled on the couch a touch intoxicated over Christmas, bellowed with delight at the Band Aid single because we were all “OMG LOOK AT THAT HAIR GEORGE MICHAEL!” and “STING, YOU TANTRIC BASTARD!” and finally “here it comes! here it comes! SCREAM IT BONO!” because really, who doesn’t laugh at that line and the little mulleted Irishman hollering it at the top of his lungs? 🙂 AWESOME!

    I might have to steal your meme thing. It’s rather fabulous! Unlike the 80s. Urgh. Thanks a lot parents for having me in time to make me an ansty teen in the 80s.

  15. Ah dude. My sister and I, while huddled on the couch a touch intoxicated over Christmas, bellowed with delight at the Band Aid single because we were all “OMG LOOK AT THAT HAIR GEORGE MICHAEL!” and “STING, YOU TANTRIC BASTARD!” and finally “here it comes! here it comes! SCREAM IT BONO!” because really, who doesn’t laugh at that line and the little mulleted Irishman hollering it at the top of his lungs? 🙂 AWESOME!

    I might have to steal your meme thing. It’s rather fabulous! Unlike the 80s. Urgh. Thanks a lot parents for having me in time to make me an ansty teen in the 80s.

  16. Ah dude. My sister and I, while huddled on the couch a touch intoxicated over Christmas, bellowed with delight at the Band Aid single because we were all “OMG LOOK AT THAT HAIR GEORGE MICHAEL!” and “STING, YOU TANTRIC BASTARD!” and finally “here it comes! here it comes! SCREAM IT BONO!” because really, who doesn’t laugh at that line and the little mulleted Irishman hollering it at the top of his lungs? 🙂 AWESOME!

    I might have to steal your meme thing. It’s rather fabulous! Unlike the 80s. Urgh. Thanks a lot parents for having me in time to make me an ansty teen in the 80s.

  17. Guv’ner, if you’d like to be officially tagged, I will happily do it with a drumroll and everything.

  18. It’s sad you’d move out west before moving to DC. We aren’t all jerks down here.

    No, wait…

    Yes we are.

  20. There’s a 100 item tag? Crazy. On the plus side, John Taylor is indeed a very dreamy man.

  23. Ah you know my love for Band-Aid. Bono may have had that awful line but seriously I couldn’t stand “We are the World” They were copycats and they didn’t have Simon Le Bon singing for them.

    BTW funny that you should mention the DD magazines for your sex toy question as a former member (heh heh) of DD *has* a sex toy out for purchase. I wish I was kidding about this but I’m not.

  25. Hi Wendy
    Thats a loooong questionnaire!!!
    I bet you were tired after answering it!!!
    I did hate “We are the world” but now I have it on my ipod!Dont judge me!!

  26. Love the new photo! I recently uncovered a photo of myself wearing a “Feed the World” shirt underneath a black and white checked blazer (with shoulder pads!) from Thanksgiving 1980something. Yes, I really did try to make my family feel guilty for the food we had on our plates! But at least I did not sing for them.

  28. ***LET THEM KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME!!!*** bells chime

    I was in high school, watched the concert on TV, simultaneously tape recorded the performance from the radio broadcast, thank you very much.

  29. Lady N: Thank you!
    Aretha: Get to work.
    Kian: If a Nick Rhodes dildo is now available at a convenient retail location, please let me know immediately!
    DaddyLikey: I want to marry you, take that.
    VB: Immediately listen to “Dude Looks Like a Lady” as penance.
    Stef: Send photo please.
    Srorie: Yeah, I’d still hit it. Ha ha! I just said that to drive my husband crazy. But seriously, I would.
    RCT: Didn’t we all!

  31. That was by far one of the most entertaining memes I’ve ever read. And I’m not going to lie: for the hilarious, completely unexpected “Shane!” reference, you’ve wormed your way a little further into our hearts. While you’re there, can you check the arterial blockage? I’ve been eating Wendy’s Baconators for every meal for a year now.

  32. ROTFLMAO, you are hilarious. I sooo want to pretend that I have a billfold that that I hold up in the air and when it opens, a drop down menu of hundreds of questions opens up.

  33. PAD: I think you could use some more leafy greens and think about a handful of almonds for a snack!
    Altamira: I picture you more as a flasher,with a trench coat that has 50 questions on each side.

  34. oh my. those charity songs are the worst ever, but “do they know it’s christmas” always makes me shiver….in a bad way. It is so condescending/horrible/icky!!! yes, bono, i’m sure they do know it’s christmas, you idiot.

    your dress is so freaking adorable.

  35. Wendy!!! I think I broke a rib laughing (expect the doctor’s bill next week, you heartless wench!)

  36. Ha ha, “do they know its christmas” is only good when its a room full of drunks singing it.

    Would it be creepy to say I am in love with your blog? Would you mind if I put the link to here on my blog?

  37. I would be very flattered if you put a link to my blog. Just don’t try to become my #1 stalker. That position is already occupied by PPIEW and she will beat a bitch’s ass if she senses any competition.

  42. Sorry Wendy, but it’s Warren Cuccurullo. It’s called the “Rock Cock” and it used to be available at Hustler. When we saw it in person, so to speak, we laughed ourselves sick.