I couldn’t wait for True Blood’s third season to start this Sunday on HBO so I recently spent three days reading eight of the Charlaine Harris books that inspired the show. I downloaded them one at a time on a Kindle and, by the end of the three days, my credit card company was calling me to inquire about the legitimacy of all the $6 charges. I also watched the True Blood “minisodes” online.
Back in February, when I presented my Vampire Diana ring as the Jewel of the Month, I told you that Spike — the Billy Idol style vampire from Buffy the Vampire Slayer — was my main VILF and the inspiration for the design of the heart pierced with a stake.
The Charlaine Harris books are not works of art. If the original hot-Southern-vampire author and much better writer Anne Rice were a vampire herself, she’d be rolling over in her coffin. (Since she’s still alive she’s probably just rolling her eyes.) That said, Harris’s Dead to the World — in which obnoxious but sex-ay vampire Eric has a case of amnesia that temporarily turns him into the world’s best boyfriend — is HAWT. If that storyline turns up on the TV show this series, it is possible that Eric might replace Spike as my #1 VILF. They’re going to have to fight it out. Spike and Eric fighting. Ooh, the thought makes me all verklempt!
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When I wasn’t reading books, watching minisodes and fighting with my credit card company, I was creating more vampire jewelry. My newest piece and the official Jewel of the Month for June 2010 is the silver “wooden stake” necklace, available for $95.
As you’ll see, the stake reflects my usual attention to realistic detail. Note the “wood” grain on the front (and back and sides) … and then look at the top of the stake. Tiny tree rings! The only thing that this stake is lacking is the power to kill a vampire because it’s not real wood. I’m telling you this up front so you don’t buy it and then come crying to me about how you were bitten by a vamp because you couldn’t defend yourself with the necklace. Of course, because the piece is silver, it could give a vampire an annoying little burn but I’m not going to guarantee your safety from supernatural creatures based on that. Buyer beware!
Anyway, you see how I am about getting things just so. Here’s another example of my passion for quality. When I did the Vampire Diana ring, my original plan was to have the stake plated in gold to make it more of a “wood” color, but I didn’t have time to get that done for Valentine’s Day, so I blackened the silver stake instead. When I was working on the matching Vampire Diana necklace, I went back to the gold-plating idea. I was hoping to be able to charge y’all a lower price for this piece, so I sent the job to a factory that charged me less for labor than the top-notch artisans with whom I normally work. This is the shit I got back. Look at how the gold has run off the stake itself and onto the heart.
I pondered this for a few minutes thinking, “Should I just let it go? A lot of people would. It’s not bad. Big deal. People don’t have an eye for detail anymore. They are used to accepting less than the best.” And then I threw a fucking fit. There’s already plenty of poorly made crap out in the world. I’m going to keep doing things my way — perfectly — for as long as I can. I stripped the gold plating off the stake, blackened the silver like I did with the ring, and told the factory peeps not to sit by the phone waiting for my next call. Now the work on this necklace is impeccable. I’ve said before that you get what you pay for and now you can see it with your own eyes.
Whew! All that anger makes me feel dangerous. Like a real, live, painted-up, wicked city woman … like your mother warned you about. Look out! I’m going to vamp you!
If, unlike me, you didn’t grow up watching I Love Lucy reruns every day after school, you’ll need to watch the clip below to get the vamping reference. It’s from an episode where Lucy and Ricky Ricardo are trying to scare off a country bumpkin who has overstayed his welcome as their houseguest. If you did grow up watching the show every day like I did, you should watch it again anyway. Lucy is comedy genius and this scene still makes me laugh out loud.
Remember, if you want to buy the stake necklace for $95 (there are only 12 9 available for immediate delivery) or either of the two hefty, perfect Vampire Diana pieces, you can get them from my website or just holla at me at wbjewelry at hotmail dot com and I’ll help you personally.