Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

Happy Holiday, Goyim!

by

Every December 25, I get into the holiday spirit by reminiscing about an idiot I knew in my freshman year of college. This self-described born-again Christian once went into a rant about the secularization of Christmas as symbolized by the use of “Xmas.” She thought that evil secular people had X’d the “Christ” out of Christmas. She didn’t know that the Greek letter “X” — the first letter in the Greek spelling of “Christ” — has been used as shorthand for “Christ” for centuries. No one X’d the Christ out of Christmas; X IS Christ, for Jebus’s sake! (If you want more info about the X factor, here’s an Xian’s explanation for fellow Xians.)

Anyway, here some things I wish I could say to my long-ago acquaintance in honor of the holiday.

  1. It’s bad to be stupid.
  2. It’s worse to be stupid about your own religion’s history while trying to convert an easily irritated atheist of Jewish origin.
  3. If your God disapproved of gays, He wouldn’t have allowed that hairstylist to give you the most unflattering hairdo since Medusa’s. That haircutting queen was actually the hand of God punishing you for your homophobia!
  4. Merry Titmas!

    One of the only things more horrible to look upon than my classmate’s 1985 revenge-of-Harvey-Milk hairdo is this Xmas music video by my almost-husband Paul McCartney. I know you will want to stop watching and scrub your eyes with a Brillo pad after Paul serenades himself at 1:54, but I urge you to stick it out to 3:04 to see the giant, exploding present flying through the air.

    Remember how Paul’s recent ex-wife, batshit-crazy Heather Mills, was claiming she had tapes that proved Paul abused her and his first wife, Linda? I think she must have been talking about this video.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Merry fucking Xmas! 🙂 I hope Santa brings you a Most Swears award.

    I think the squirrel stopped to play in the record Vancouver snowfall.

  3. HAHA! OMG you are so funny. Woot, we’re probably the only two people in the blogosphere looking at blogs at 12:30 AM Christmas day!

  16. THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR COMMENT

    IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE FROM OUT OF SPAIN READ IT

    FROM NOW I’LL WRITE IT IN BOTH LANGUAJES

    MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

    LOVE FROM SPAIN!

    Lorituela

  18. I have to admit that I did find it more amusing than irritating, but that may just be the way you wrote it… 😉

  19. Haha I spent a long telephone conversation last night trying to explain to a friend of the Greek meaning behind X-mas, it involved a long description of old masonery carved with the Xp symbol. Hope you’re having a wonderfully festive day 🙂

  20. Sorry couldn’t watch Paul McCartney’s video because (don’t hate me) but I CANT STAND HIM!

    Seriously annoys the hell out of me.

    Merry Xmas!

  23. Hope your Xmas was Xcellent, my sweet!

    I’m so glad Sir Paul is now far away from the crazy Heather. As I found out firsthand, it really hurts when she smacks you over the head with her fake leg.

  24. Oh I cannot stand religious nuts specially those stupid ones. I heard that the Pope came out and said something like the world had to stand against homosexuality because it is more dangerous than the climate change.. what an utter idiot!!

  27. Ahhh Wendy, never a dull minute in Wendyville!! I know I can always find a smile after checking your blog. Have a great holiday.

  30. I enjoy following the “X is Christ” conversation with a quick “explain the Christian significance of the tree” question. So few know that is actually a pagan ritual.

    Oh, and thank you for my present (that, of course, being Bettie Page.)

  32. Marry christmas dear

    Wishing u not just happiness but pure joy.
    Not just wealth but heavens treasure n not just silence but God’s peace
    With lots of love,Freddy^^