{"id":390,"date":"2008-02-05T22:04:00","date_gmt":"2008-02-06T05:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/?p=390"},"modified":"2008-02-05T22:04:00","modified_gmt":"2008-02-06T05:04:00","slug":"post-office-delivers-amusing-things","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2008\/02\/post-office-delivers-amusing-things\/","title":{"rendered":"The Post Office Delivers Amusing Things"},"content":{"rendered":"

My Amazon order of The Memoirs of a Beautiful Boy<\/a> by Robert Leleux arrived. I know it doesn’t sound like my usual royal reading, but the author is kind of a queen. Robert and his eccentric, wig-wearing, man-chasing mother live in dull Petunia, Texas (“Where God Stuck the Enema,” as Mother calls it), but drive to Neiman Marcus every Saturday to get their hair and nails done.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>When Robert finally realizes that he’s gay, Mother isn’t impressed by his announcement. “How could you be my child and not<\/span> be gay?” she says. “Women like me always<\/span> have gay children. Cher, Lana Turner, Queen Elizabeth. My God, look at Queen Elizabeth.”<\/p>\n

The book is worth reading for the infected lip implant story alone. “It’s enough to make a girl start believing in inner beauty,” Mother sighs after the implant pops out of her lip and terrorizes a small child in a department store ladies’ room.<\/p>\n

Here’s the other funny thing that came in the mail.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>The employees of Discount Surgical Stockings are waiting to hear from me! Oh noes! I hope they’re not holding their breath. But, let’s not rush to judgment here. What if discount surgical stockings prevent the dreaded knee wrinkling, which I used to worry about until I delegated that worry to La Belette Rouge<\/a>? Maybe I will become a valued customer after all. I’m not ready to start believing in inner beauty.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, this postal mystery<\/a> remains unsolved. <\/script><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My Amazon order of The Memoirs of a Beautiful Boy by Robert Leleux arrived. I know it doesn’t sound like my usual royal reading, but the author is kind of a queen. Robert and his eccentric, wig-wearing, man-chasing mother live in dull Petunia, Texas (“Where God Stuck the Enema,” as Mother calls it), but drive…<\/p>\n

Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[58,5],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-390","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-books","7":"category-insanity","8":"entry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=390"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=390"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=390"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=390"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}