{"id":346,"date":"2008-01-07T22:09:00","date_gmt":"2008-01-08T05:09:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/?p=346"},"modified":"2008-01-07T22:09:00","modified_gmt":"2008-01-08T05:09:00","slug":"kneel-before-wendy-brandes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2008\/01\/kneel-before-wendy-brandes\/","title":{"rendered":"Kneel Before Wendy Brandes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Superman II was the best of the Christopher Reeve<\/a> Superman movies because it had three hot villains.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Okay, it had two hot villains. The dude on the right was just some kind of Wookiee<\/a> with slightly reduced body hair. But on the far left, we have Ursa. Behold the beauteousness of Ursa!<\/div>\n

\"\"<\/a>Behold her fabulous tall boots, sex-ay open sleeves, pixie hairdo and clever way of accessorizing basic black with doodads taken off people she killed. Wait! It gets better! Behold the leg of Ursa!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>“Don’t be jealous.”<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

In the original Superman movie, Superman’s dad called her “the woman Ursa, whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind has threatened even the children of the planet Krypton.” I think we all know was really going on. Mr. Superman wanted to sample some of Ursa’s hot, freshly baked perversions and Ursa said, “I’m busy being perverted with a semi-hairless Wookiee and the guy that WendyB hasn’t mentioned yet. Talk to my secretary and maybe she can get you on my calendar for the first of never.” So the vengeful Mr. Superman sent Ursa and her man-bitches to the “Phantom Zone,” which is like Guantanamo Bay in space because you’re supposed to be locked in there for all eternity.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Ursa breaks a bitch’s neck while<\/span> wondering if she needs to pick up milk for her Wookiee.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

Ursa and her two sex slaves escaped the Zone in Superman II and came to visit the planet Houston. Yes, the planet Houston. Ursa, being easy-going, allowed her little post-prison excursion to be led by her non-Wookiee houseboy, General Zod. You gotta love General Zod. In addition to being meticulous about his facial hair and willing to bare just a little too much cleavage, General Zod<\/a> was confident, and that is always attractive in a man. If he said Earth was now the planet Houston, you’d better believe it was the planet Houston.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>General Zod has an amazing bosom<\/a>.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

He also liked to roam around the planet Houston yelling at people: “Kneel before Zod!” Men, women, children — it made no difference. He wanted them all to kneel before Zod. He was man of prodigious and perverted appetites. A sick, insatiable man. The kind of man I admire. The kind of man who should be president! Kneel before Zod in 2008<\/a>!<\/p>\n

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Because Zod is running for president, the position of ruler of planet Houston opened up and I easily won it. I can tell because the tributes have been pouring in from my faithful servants. They call these tributes “tags” and “memes,” which I believe are similar to precious metals. Just yesterday, Diana<\/a> and This Lady<\/a> knelt before me to pay tribute to my powerful intellect and excellent question-answering skills. Today, Queen Michelle<\/a> knelt, respectfully offering me a Thinking Blogger Award<\/a>, as The Clothes Horse<\/a> wisely did before her. (A queen<\/a>!!! Zod only ever got a president to kneel. In!Your!Face!Zod!)<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Kneel!<\/span>
I have a riding crop and false eyelashes and I’m not afraid to use them!<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

Let it be known that Wendy Brandes is a generous and loving planetary ruler! I have personally selected five subjects to kneel before me and share in this Thinking Blogger award<\/a>. After, I must feed them to the Wookiee or he gets low blood sugar. But I know their families will relish this honor as long as I let them live.<\/p>\n

These are my victims:<\/p>\n