{"id":3196,"date":"2009-12-23T00:01:19","date_gmt":"2009-12-23T05:01:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/?p=3196"},"modified":"2011-01-26T19:42:47","modified_gmt":"2011-01-27T00:42:47","slug":"she-who-must-be-obeyed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2009\/12\/she-who-must-be-obeyed\/","title":{"rendered":"She Who Must Be Obeyed"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s my birthday today. I was going to lie and tell y&#8217;all that I just turned 13. I&#8217;ve always wanted to be an ingenue. Plus, young blogging dynamo <a href=\"http:\/\/tavi-thenewgirlintown.blogspot.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">Tavi <\/a>said she wouldn&#8217;t mind my jacking her style, age-wise.<\/p>\n<p>My plans were thwarted after gorgeous blogger <a href=\"http:\/\/plainjayne973.blogspot.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">Jayne<\/a> included me in a &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/plainjayne973.blogspot.com\/2009\/12\/chic-of-week.html\" target=\"_blank\">Chic of the Week<\/a>&#8221; post, prompting equally-gorgeous-but-possibly-suicidal blogger <a href=\"http:\/\/copperoranges.blogspot.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">Lexie<\/a> to comment:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em>&#8220;WendyB does the statement piece sooooo well. She&#8217;s gonna kill me for saying this, but I hope I am so fearless about fashion when I am her age.&#8221;<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Lexie, I briefly considered killing you. But after the shock passed,\u00a0 I nearly laughed a gummy bear out my nose. I was indeed eating gummy bears at the time. How amazing would it be if I HADN&#8217;T been eating gummy bears and laughed one out my nose anyway? Imagine having a magical nose full of <a href=\"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2008\/12\/something-i-dont-want-is\/\" target=\"_blank\">gummy bears<\/a>! Anyway, I digress. Though I was dismayed to learn I was someone about whom people could say things such as &#8220;&#8230;when I am her age&#8221; (I now know how you feel, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Rare-Bird-Fashion-Irreverent-Apfel\/dp\/0500513449\" target=\"_blank\">Iris Apfel<\/a>!), I must concede that I am old enough* to be Lexie&#8217;s mother. In fact, I am old enough to be the mother of a few of you readers. This means that I get to tell you what to do. You have to obey me because I&#8217;m not actually your mother and there&#8217;s no reason to get all genetically resentful on my ass. Listen up, little bitches:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You can not go out of the house DRESSED LIKE THAT.<\/li>\n<li>Go back upstairs and put a shirt\/pants on.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t speak to me that way. GO UPSTAIRS. What did you just say? Oh really? You&#8217;ve lost cell phone privileges for a week.<\/li>\n<li>I found naked photos of you on your cell phone. Now you&#8217;ve lost phone privileges for a year.<\/li>\n<li>Turn that music down.<\/li>\n<li>Stay out of the liquor cabinet.<\/li>\n<li>Cigarettes will kill you.<\/li>\n<li>I can smell tobacco on you!<\/li>\n<li>Get off the computer and read a book.<\/li>\n<li>Do your homework before Facebook.<\/li>\n<li>You can&#8217;t borrow the car.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s not that I don&#8217;t trust YOU. I don&#8217;t trust THEM.<\/li>\n<li>Do not post your bikini photos on Facebook. The admissions officers at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.yale.edu\/\" target=\"_blank\">Yale<\/a>\/<a href=\"http:\/\/www.ramapo.edu\/\" target=\"_blank\">Ramapo College<\/a>\/wherever do not need to see your belly.<\/li>\n<li>Yes, they WILL look you up on Facebook.<\/li>\n<li>Turn that music down.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t cut class.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s puppy love. You&#8217;ll get over it.<\/li>\n<li>TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!<\/li>\n<li>No, you can&#8217;t get a tattoo\/piercing.<\/li>\n<li>I don&#8217;t care if everyone else is doing it.<\/li>\n<li>For God&#8217;s sake, don&#8217;t use Twitter to ask your friends to &#8220;cop bud&#8221; for you!<\/li>\n<li>Yes, the admissions officers know how to use Twitter too.<\/li>\n<li>I can smell pot on you!<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re grounded until you&#8217;re 30.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re going to rehab.<\/li>\n<li>As long as you <span style=\"text-decoration: line-through;\">live under my roof<\/span> read my blog, you&#8217;ll abide by my rules.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I was a well-behaved teenager. I didn&#8217;t smoke, drink, do drugs or sex up the boys.** I didn&#8217;t have time for such things because I was busy getting A&#8217;s, working on the school newspaper, and <a href=\"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2009\/12\/thanks-for-giving-ii-and-thanks-for-getting\/\" target=\"_blank\">teasing my hair up to great heights<\/a>.\u00a0 I didn&#8217;t have to study much, except for every other test in physics (I had a system), so it must have been the hair that took up most of my time. Speaking of that hair, thanks go out to gorgeous blogger Denise of <a href=\"http:\/\/theswellelife.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">The Swelle Life<\/a> for turning my 1984\/5 photo into an awesome &#8217;80s album cover.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3418\" title=\"Fullscreen capture 22122009 165746\" src=\"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/Fullscreen-capture-22122009-165746.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"247\" height=\"246\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/Fullscreen-capture-22122009-165746.jpg 247w, https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/Fullscreen-capture-22122009-165746-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 247px) 100vw, 247px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I feel so <a href=\"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2008\/05\/patrick-nagel\/\" target=\"_blank\">Patrick Nagel<\/a>!<\/p>\n<p>*<em>If you&#8217;re wondering how old I am, I&#8217;ve said it before on the blog. Do the math yourself!<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>**I had a brief interlude of hard-cider-drinking naughtiness in <a href=\"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2009\/07\/london-day-2-more-naughty-art\/\" target=\"_blank\">England<\/a>, but that was the exception to the rule.<br \/>\n<\/em><\/p>\n<h3><span> <a onmousedown=\"UntrustedLink.bootstrap($(this), &quot;e78d036cfca3bc0e991765dcb7a2352e&quot;, event)\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"http:\/\/plainjayne973.blogspot.com\/2009\/12\/chic-of-week.html\" target=\"_blank\"><\/a><\/span><\/h3>\n<p> <\/script><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s my birthday today. I was going to lie and tell y&#8217;all that I just turned 13. I&#8217;ve always wanted to be an ingenue. Plus, young blogging dynamo Tavi said she wouldn&#8217;t mind my jacking her style, age-wise. My plans were thwarted after gorgeous blogger Jayne included me in a &#8220;Chic of the Week&#8221; post,&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2009\/12\/she-who-must-be-obeyed\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3418,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[52,12,41,144],"tags":[339,338,255],"class_list":["post-3196","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-birthdays","category-blogs-and-bloggers","category-pictures-of-me","category-rants","tag-bitches","tag-bow-down","tag-tavi","entry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 5.0.0.1 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It&#039;s my birthday today. 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