{"id":3032,"date":"2009-11-30T20:13:58","date_gmt":"2009-12-01T01:13:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/?p=3032"},"modified":"2009-12-03T21:57:32","modified_gmt":"2009-12-04T02:57:32","slug":"vote-damn-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2009\/11\/vote-damn-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Vote, Damn You!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last year, after winning both my categories<\/a> (Blog With the Most Swears and Blog With the Most Pictures of the Blogger) in the “prestigious” Drysdale Awards<\/a> thanks to an exhausting<\/a> and exhaustive<\/a> campaign, I had a Shermanesque<\/a> attitude about potential future Drysdales. “I will not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected,” I said nobly to Gigi the dog<\/a>, briefly distracting her from her job of making annoying mouth noises under the bed. “Let someone else win for a change.”<\/p>\n

Well, Drysdale time is here again, and now my attitude is fuck that self-denial shit!<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>

The coveted Drysdale award.<\/p><\/div>\n

This year, I have been nominated in three categories: Blog With the Most Swearing, Blog That is Clearly Contracted to Endorse a Product or Service, and Blogger of the Year.<\/a> And I better win them, or I will beat a bitch’s ass<\/a>. Furthermore, I have the endorsement of gorgeous blogger and self-proclaimed cunt Sister Wolf<\/a>. She will no doubt introduce you to a world of pain if you let me down.<\/p>\n

\"I<\/a>

I approve of Sister Wolf's necklace even though I did not design it.<\/p><\/div>\n

If the threat of violence isn’t enough to convince you, here are other persuasive arguments:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. You should vote for me for the swearing award because even my fingers curse you.<\/li>\n
  2. You should vote for me for the product-endorsement award because my “About Me” paragraph begins, “I started this blog to promote my Wendy Brandes jewelry line<\/a>…”<\/li>\n
  3. You should vote for me for blogger of the year because I’m going to pay you lots of money for that. As a matter of fact, the check is in the mail! As soon as you vote, you can go stand by your mailbox and wait for payment.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
    \"My<\/a>

    My fingers curse you!<\/p><\/div>\n

    You can vote until December 14, but it would probably be best to vote early and give me a giant lead so that I don’t have to write more campaign posts like this one.\u00a0 To paraphrase Arlo Guthrie in Alice’s Restaurant<\/a>, I can do 25 more posts like this. I’m not proud … or tired.<\/p>\n

    \"Arlo<\/a>

    Arlo Guthrie would want you to vote for me.<\/p><\/div>\n

    You know what you have to do. Click the handsome face of Drysdale inventor Grant Miller and do it.<\/p>\n

    \n

    \"I'm<\/a>

    I'm Grant Miller. Click me to vote.<\/p><\/div>\n

    VOTE, BITCHES!<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

    You are also encouraged to vote for people who are not me in the other highlarious categories, which include:<\/p>\n