{"id":1062,"date":"2009-01-27T22:30:00","date_gmt":"2009-01-28T05:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendybrandes.com\/blog\/?p=1062"},"modified":"2009-01-27T22:30:00","modified_gmt":"2009-01-28T05:30:00","slug":"not-lovin-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wendybrandes.com\/blog\/2009\/01\/not-lovin-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Lovin’ It"},"content":{"rendered":"

On Monday, McDonald’s reported fourth-quarter earnings that beat analysts’ expectations<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I hope you click the link in the first sentence because I put some effort into finding the right earnings story for you. A lot of the headlines on the McDonald’s stories out there just said earnings fell almost 23%. That’s true, but the fact that the earnings were better than expected is vital to the story. A company can have a huge loss but if it’s not as bad as expected, investors are thrilled. I’m committed to bringing you high-quality business-news links.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Ronald McDonald is thrilled.<\/span>
<\/span><\/div>\n

Anyway, I heard the earnings report on the radio and thought, “I really want a McDonald’s milkshake.” McDonald’s ads have never caused me to crave a McDonald’s milkshake. Only the earnings news. Maybe McDonald’s should report earnings more frequently. After a couple of hours of wanting the milkshake, I started wanting a Big Mac too. When I confessed this to the world’s most talented seamstress\/vintage-clothing-fixer-upper, Jean of Ghost Tailor<\/a> (“I remember you,” she said to my ornery Stephen Sprouse skirt<\/a>), she told me there was a McDonald’s right around the corner.<\/p>\n

I couldn’t resist, but I should have. While I was enjoying my Big Mac and chocolate milkshake in a clean and respectable-seeming McDonald’s, a not-so-respectable dude came up to me and tried to sell me pepper spray, which, he informed me, I could use if someone was bothering me. The only person who was bothering me was him, but seeing as I didn’t want to reward his behavior by making a purchase, I just grunted a negative response and tried to will the shake to go up the straw faster. I hate it when slow-moving drinks interfere with quick escapes. Damn you, dairy-ish product! While I was still fighting with the shake and wondering if a Taser<\/a>-selling guy would come along so that I could use his product on the pepper-spray man, a dude sitting near me offered to sell me some gold chains. He sure was persistent. After I finally succeeded in giving him the brush-off, I heard him trying to buy an illegal substance from a third guy who said, “Nah, man, they have cameras all over here.” Luckily, I hit the end of the shake right at the moment and ran out of there before the questionable activities escalated. I don’t know what would have been next: sex-trafficking?<\/p>\n

The moral of this story: Don’t listen to business news. Also, avoid the McDonald’s on 28th and 6th. <\/script><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On Monday, McDonald’s reported fourth-quarter earnings that beat analysts’ expectations. I hope you click the link in the first sentence because I put some effort into finding the right earnings story for you. A lot of the headlines on the McDonald’s stories out there just said earnings fell almost 23%. That’s true, but the fact…<\/p>\n

Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[25,5,100,137],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1062","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-business","category-insanity","category-restaurants","category-things-to-do-in-nyc","entry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t