While texting with a lovelorn friend yesterday, I realized that designing jewelry has taught me three things that straight women need to know about bad relationships. I preserved my texts for your amusement/edification. They’re below along with my elaborations.
1. Even precious things are replaceable.
Okay, that was a little bit of textual exaggeration. Not all diamonds/men are replaceable, but a lot are. Many a woman will wear just one diamond in her entire life — her engagement ring. Other than that, she’ll see diamonds only in other people’s engagement rings or under intimidating glass cases in stores. A diamond is a unique treasure for that woman. But diamonds were completely demystified for me during a diamond-grading class at the Gemological Institute of America, where all 30 students got their own little diamonds to study under microscopes and where we spent significant amounts of time looking for AWOL diamonds in the carpet. Now, on any given day, I might be choosing the best of 10 two-carat stones or ordering 200 tiny diamonds. No big deal. I prefer not to lose any diamonds, obviously, but if I do lose some, I’ll buy new ones. There are lots of diamonds of above-average quality out there … and even more below-average ones that I wouldn’t touch.
You know what else exists in great quantity? Men. Ladies, why are you acting like a below-average man is the one and only? If you want to settle for a guy who treats you bad — hell, you can find those by the bushel. You don’t need that ONE PARTICULAR bad guy.
Of course, some diamonds ARE irreplaceable. If I had a 5-carat, flawless diamond with D color and excellent cut, I wouldn’t let it out of my sight. If, under a microscope, your man is a human version of a 5-carat, flawless diamond with D color and excellent cut, marry him. I did!
2. One thing that is irreplaceable is time.
When my Empress Wu dragon ring was mislaid last month, I was traumatized. Even if insurance covered the loss financially, what could possibly make up for the time I’d have to put into creating a new ring? During those months, I’d miss so many opportunities because I wouldn’t have the ring to entice customers or to loan for magazine shoots. It felt like such a waste. (I was overjoyed when a stylist found the original ring in her accessories closet.)
Ladies, don’t miss good opportunities by pouring your time and energy into a man who is not going to be there when you need him!
3. When you stop wasting your time, you will feel better … and may even find something positive in the experience.
During this text conversation, I reflected on my pre-MrB Romeos.
Ladies, if you suspect the relationship isn’t going to work out, end it sooner, rather than later. It needs to be a clean break so you can start healing — no texting, Facebook-stalking, or Chris Brown/Rihanna bullshit. When you feel better, take the priceless lessons you’ve learned to your next relationship.
Caveat lector: I don’t know if these lessons apply to same-sex relationships. And I’m dubious as to whether they apply to men — I haven’t met any guys who have wasted their child-bearing years waiting for one woman to settle down/leave her husband. Feel free to tell me otherwise in the comments.